John Goldfarb, Please Come Home!
March 24, 1965
Fox
Comedy
VHS
C-
While I can't recommend this movie, even as a so-bad-it's-goodie, I suppose some might want to see it to just to say they've seen it. (Or they have seen it, and can't believe what they saw.) Briefly, Shirley MacLaine (much much shriekier than in
The Apartment, including on the title song*) plays a frigid journalist at
Strife Magazine (hardy har) whose editor Charles Lane assigns her to write a story on a harem. Meanwhile, the title character, played by Richard Crenna, is a sort of combination of pilots Douglas Corrigan and Francis Gary Powers, with the nickname "Wrong Way," and he accidentally lands in the Arabian country of Fawzia while trying to reach Russia. The King of Fawzia, played by Peter Ustinov, starts a football team for his son, who's been kicked off the Notre Dame team for not being Irish. (Wouldn't they have noticed right off?) Oh, and there are various government officials who are trying to spin the situation.
That last aspect was what I liked best, particularly since it involves the sitcom vets Jim Backus as Miles Whitepaper, Fred Clark as Heinous Overreach, Richard Deacon as Charles Maginot, and Harry Morgan as Deems Sarajevo. Morgan gets the most memorable lines, like the one about the Russians having a case of the cutes, and his reply to Dick "Please don't squeeze the Charmin" Wilson's announcement, "Either Fawz U beats Notre Dame or John Goldfarb goes to Moscow": "Is that an ultimatum or a musical comedy title?" I'm not saying this stuff is
Dr. Strangelove level satire, but it did make me chuckle. And it's much more palatable than the shrew-taming we get of MacLaine's character, including the "ha ha, the king wants to rape her" subplot.
The script (based on his own book), by none other than William Peter Blatty, later of
The Exorcist, is remarkably sexist and anti-Arab, even for its time. This is not just 21st-century political correctness; contemporary critics hated the movie. Notre Dame even sued over it! I realize that I may've made you more interested in seeing the film, so I may as well go on to list some more of its unique cast.
The harem girls include Teri Garr (I don't know under what name); Gari Hardy, who would be "Dumb Blonde" in
Speedway; Paula Lane, who was in
Dear Brigitte, here playing Polly Benson; Irene Tsu, who was Miss Wu in
Take Her, She's Mine and would shortly be a native girl in
How to Stuff a Wild Bikini; and Jane Wald, of
Take Her and
Dear Brigitte. "Specialty dancer" Nai Bonet would have a more prominent role as a king's belly-dancer in the softcore
Fairy Tales (1978). The football players include James Brolin (as a quarterback); Kent McCord (later of
Adam-12), who would do
Girl Happy; and
Red West, who was in
Palm Springs Weekend and would soon be in
Girl Happy.
Billy Curtis, who was a Munchkin in
The Wizard of Oz, is "Little Football Player." Chick Collins, who was a fencer in
Singin' in the Rain, plays a Bedouin here. Fred Catania, who was Wheeler's bodyguard in
The Girl Can't Help It and a used car salesman in
Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter, has a minor role here. Jim Shane, who was Dave in
Palm Springs Weekend, is Chiang here.
Jackie Coogan (yes, Uncle Fester, here playing Father Ryan); Bedouin Jim Dawson; Milton Frome, here an Air Force general; and Olan Soule, who plays the second editor, would shortly do
Girl Happy. Telly Savalas (yes, Kojak) is Macmuid, the harem recruiter, and would be El Sleezo Tough in
The Muppet Movie.
Patrick Adiarte, who plays Prince Ammud, isn't in any of my of my other movies, but I have to note that he was both David in the Hawaiian episodes of
The Brady Bunch and Ho-Jon on
M*A*S*H.
*The theme pops up repeatedly in the movie, especially during the big football game at the end. John Williams, yes, that John Williams, was the conductor.
