Ishtar

Ishtar
May 15, 1987
Columbia
Comedy, Action
VHS
C-

This isn't as terrible as you've heard, but that's not saying much.  It starts out fine, with Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty as two talentless musicians who dream of the big time.  (Hoffman thinks they can surpass Simon & Garfunkel, a nice little sort of reference to Hoffman's break-through movie, directed by Elaine May's former comedy partner, Mike Nichols.)  The songs, mostly cowritten by Ms. May and Paul Williams, are so bad they're good.  But then writer-director May, in the form of the guys' agent, played by Jack Weston (27 years after Please Don't Eat the Daisies) sends them to the title country, on the border of Morocco.  And I lose almost all interest in the movie.

In a way, May was trying to make an '80s answer to the Road to movies, but she set this in sort of the real world.  (Hoffman thinks Kaddafy is another country.)  And there's none of the fourth-wall-breaking we got with Bob and Bing.  Also, their Dorothy Lamour is a left-wing revolutionary who flashes her breasts when she's pretending to be a boy.  May could've done some astute political satire (this was released in the midst of Iran-Contra after all), but what we get is no sharper, or funnier, than in Warren's sister's John Goldfarb.  Also, if I can't decide whether I wish there was more of Carol Kane or I'm grateful for her sake that her character breaks up with Hoffman's and disappears from the movie, that's not a good thing.  Even the whole reversed expectations of Beatty being a loser with women doesn't really have any kind of pay-off.

My advice: watch the first twenty minutes or so and then maybe the last three.  (If you need to see Isabelle Adjani's breasts, they're fairly early on.)

Fred Melamed had small roles in both Hannah and Her Sisters and Radio Days, and here he plays Caid of Assari.  Bill Moor plays U.S. Consul here and would be Duke Vermont in Tune in Tomorrow....

Transylvania 6-5000

Transylvania 6-5000
Nov. 8, 1985
New World
Comedy, Horror
DVD
C-

Rudy De Luca is the main party responsible for this near monstrosity.  It's one of his few directing credits (the infamous Pink Lady...And Jeff  TV variety show is another), but he also penned Caveman and Million Dollar Mystery.  (He also plays Lawrence Malbot, the Wolfman's father I think.)  So sometimes the dumb humor works, but mostly it doesn't.  The movie doesn't work as Horror either, or Horror-Comedy, particularly with most of the scenes set in daylight.  So why did I get it on DVD?  (With De Luca's commentary no less!)  Well, it was cheap and I had blocked out things like the jokes that are as unfunny the tenth time as they are the first.

Here's what you can do to amuse yourself if you do end up watching this movie:

1. Count the performers who are over 6 feet tall:  Jeff Goldblum (6' 4 1/2"), Jeffrey Jones (6' 4 1/2"), Ed Begley, Jr. (6' 4"), Donald Gibb (6' 4", the Wolfman here and Mad Dog in Meatballs Part II), Michael Richards (6' 3"), Joseph Bologna (6' 1"), and Geena Davis (6').
2. Ogle Goldblum and/or Davis, both of whom show off their chests.  (They met on the set, so something good came out of this.)
3. Savor the irony of Norman Fell's (not over 6') celebration of "crap."
4. Enjoy every single rendition of the title song, from the rockin' version over the opening credits to the castle phone's ring tone to the folk tune towards the end to the closing not-exactly-Glenn-Miller big band take.
5. Wonder if Carol Kane (5' 2") is more embarrassed by her role as half of a hunchback couple with John Byner, or by her briefer role in the bigger bomb Ishtar.

The Muppet Movie

The Muppet Movie
June 22, 1979
Henson Associates
Children's, Comedy, Musical
DVD
B-

I'll always have a soft spot for this first of what would become many Muppet movies, this one released when I was eleven.  Yet I will admit that it's not as good as I remembered.  One of its strengths is also its greatest weakness.  There are lots of celebrity cameos, some of whom I've tagged, but most of these people aren't given much to do.  After all, if you're going to cast Richard Pryor, can't you give him something funnier to do than sell balloons to Gonzo?  Even the Muppets, and there are many of them, are for the most part not being used to their full potential.

In fact, the best sequences are mostly in the first half hour, with either Kermit on his own, singing the still lovable "Rainbow Connection" and (still impressive) riding a bicycle, or singing and joking with Fozzie.  (My favorite quote is later though: "Bear left," "Right, frog.")  As they pick up more passengers, the energy diffuses.  (Unlike in James Frawley's Big Bus.)  There are moments here and there, like the psychedelic painting of the Studebaker, and the always wonderful voice of Orson Welles, but not enough to quite put this in the good, let alone great, category.

Charles Durning is Doc Hopper, while Austin Pendleton, who plays his assistant Max, was Fred the Professor (the one who gets Jackie Gleason among others high) in Skidoo.  Muppet performer Robert Payne was in Beach Party, back when he was known as Bobby.  Twenty-year-old Tim Burton (yes, that Tim Burton) was an uncredited Muppet performer.  Tommy Madden, who's One-Eyed Midget, was a hospital visitor in Rabbit Test.  H. B. Haggerty, who's a lumberjack here, would be Awful Abdul in Million Dollar Mystery.  If you haven't seen the movie before (or it's been awhile), I'll let you spot the rest of the cameos.

The second and the second-best song, "Movin' Right Along"

Annie Hall

Annie Hall
April 20, 1977
United Artists
Comedy, Romance
VHS
B+

This is probably my favorite Woody Allen movie, but not because I saw it at the time.  I mean, I was 9, so I didn't get very many of the jokes then and most remembered it for the Snow White parody.  I started to appreciate it as a teenager, although I obviously get different things out of it now in middle age, having gone through the good and bad of so many romantic relationships.  It's easy to see why Annie Hall and Alvy Singer are drawn together and why they can't last, and it's interesting that this was made after Keaton and Allen broke up.

The script by Allen and Brickman is strong, with many quotable lines.  And the direction by Allen is equally good, with even the more unbelievable characters, like the one played by Shelley Duvall, believable within the world of the movie.  Although the movie is about Alvy & Annie, it also is about New York vs. California and a lot of other things.  I like that, like novelist George Meredith, Allen is able (at least at this point in his career and life) to include himself in his laundry list of what to mock.  Diane Keaton is absolutely lovable and charming here, but Annie has flaws of her own.

The supporting cast, only some of whom I've tagged, hold their own, including Goldblum with his one scene-stealing line.  Tony Roberts is much more relaxed here than he was in Star-Spangled Girl six years earlier, probably because the dialogue is so much better.  Carol Kane gives a fine early performance, as one of the women that illustrate Alvy's quote of the Groucho line about not wanting to belong to a club that would have him as a member.  Marshall McLuhan shows up as himself-- "If life were only like this!"-- and delivers a line that still cracks me up because it makes no sense yet is meant to be a put-down of a pseudo-intellectual: "You know nothing of my work!  You mean my whole fallacy is wrong."

There's a lot of fourth-wall-breaking, especially but not exclusively by Alvy.  One of the old ladies giving him advice on the street is seventy-six-year-old Paula Trueman, who would be Stick-Up Lady in Can't Stop the Music, as well as Woman on Telephone in Zelig, while another, sixty-nine-year-old Loretta Tupper, would be the music store owner in The Purple Rose of Cairo.  Another "street stranger" is Lou Picetti, who was the beauty pageant MC in Sleeper.  

One Lacey party guest, William Callaway, would be an intern in Rabbit Test.  Gary Muledeer, who's a man at the health food restaurant, would be Gary in The Gong Show Movie.  The two men who bother Alvy outside the theatre are Bob Maroff, who'd be a bartender in I Wanna Hold Your Hand, and Rick Petrucelli, who'd be a penny pitcher in Purple Rose.  "Coke fiend" John Doumanian would be a Greek waiter in Zelig and a Thanksgiving guest in Hannah and Her Sisters.  Hy Ansel, who's Joey Nichols, would play Mr. Waldbaum in Radio Days, which would feature Martin Rosenblatt, who's Alvy's uncle here, as Mr. Needleman.  One of the schoolteachers, Gary Allen, would be a board member in The Hudsucker Proxy.