How to Stuff a Wild Bikini

How to Stuff a Wild Bikini
July 14, 1965
AIP
Comedy, Musical, Fantasy
DVD
B-

While Frankie was trying to break into the mainstream with I'll Take Sweden, the Beach Party series soldiered on.  And so Frankie is again reduced to a cameo, if a bigger one than in Pajama Party.  Unfortunately, Dwayne Hickman (as "Rick") isn't as natural a replacement as Tommy Kirk was, and Annette being in the second trimester of her pregnancy didn't help matters.  It is fun to read a subtext into the movie, that Frankie knocked Dee Dee up before joining the Navy, and no one has noticed yet.  That makes about as much sense as what we see on the surface, that she decides to lose her virginity to Rick when she finds out that Frankie has a native girl (Irene Tsu) he's "making love with," as the (nameless) girl puts it.  In fact, both Rick and the native girl anticipate Stephen Stills by five years when they suggest "If you can't be with the boy/girl you love, love the one you're with."  Although Frankie returns in the end for a nice reunion with Dee Dee, it's kind of sad that the closest they get to a duet is a split-screen song they share with their new sweeties.  (And when Dwayne and Annette walk along the process-screen beach, it looks faker than ever.  You can see Dee Dee walking in place before Rick shows up!)

John Ashley is back as Johnny, but even with a guitar, he's not given much to do.  For a moment, it seems like Jody McCrea is going to repeat his Beach Blanket Bingo role of falling for a mythical creature (this time Beverly Adams as the conjured-up Cassandra, the stuffing of the title), but she instead clicks with Von Zipper.  And the Kingsmen, of "Louie Louie" infamy, continue the trend of making me miss Dick Dale and the Del-tones, with what must be one of the worst drummers of the '60s.

Still, if you're going to watch this movie, it's likely going to be for the music, because nearly everyone sings.  In Bingo, Von Zipper and his Rat Pack sang "Follow Your Leader," and here they get two songs: a revamped version of "Follow Your Leader" (when adman Mickey Rooney remakes Von Zipper into Brian Donlevy's image, don't ask) and "The Boy Next Door."  (Jerry Brutsche, Allen Fife, Bob Harvey, John Macchia, Alberta Nelson, Myrna Ross, and as always Andy "J.D." Romano are all back.)  The admen sing "Madison Avenue," one of the weak attempts at cutting satire.  (At least we're spared the psychiatrist singing.)  The beach girls sing "How About Us" and back up Annette on "The Perfect Boy" (the one that the Medveds found outrageous for lines about Euripides and Hercules, as if that's the strangest thing Guy Hemric has come up with).  The boys on the beach sing another of those AIP Songs Inspired by Unrelated Dialogue, this time "Healthy Girl."  And the whole beach crowd sings not only "After the Party," but the title tune.  (Not during the opening credits though.  That's when we get to see Art Clokey animation!)

OK, you might be watching for that animation.  Or you can watch the movie for some more weird subtext, like the moment when Mickey Rooney flicks a girl's breast on the way to chucking her under her chin.  (It's not even one of the tall girls!)  Or you can spot the three "gay" jokes: the bookworm who says he "thertainly" has not noticed Cassandra, the tiger "who only likes boys" (why didn't they just say it was man-eating? or would that be worse?), and a man calling his offscreen brother a sissy and making a Mr.-Roper-like limp wrist.  (Bingo did it better, with Paul Lynde telling Von Zipper to save him the next dance, and Von Zipper replying, "OK, but I lead.")

This is the last official movie in the series, although there are several borderline entries still to come, including the one promoted in the closing credits here, Sgt. Deadhead.  With Frankie trying to move on, and Annette starting a family, there would be no more of them as a beach couple, until the sort of sequel, Back to the Beach (1987).

The returning Beach Party crowd includes Ray Atkinson, Patti Chandler, Ron Dayton, Mickey Dora, Johnny Fain, Luree Nicholson Holmes, Mary Hughes, Mike Nader (not as big a role as in Bingo, but he does get to neck with two girls simultaneously), Stephanie Nader, Salli Sachse, and Ned Wynn.  Newcomers who would continue to or at least near the bitter end are Bruce Baker, Jo Collins, Janice Levinson, Rosemary Williams (English girl), Sue Williams (as 4'11" "Peanut," the girl Rooney tweaks), and Christopher Riordan, but Riordan was in I'll Take Sweden.  And Marianne Gordon, who uses her real Georgian accent as Chickie, would turn up as Mrs. Whitney in Little Darlings.  Composer Hemric, who usually is part of the BP crowd, here plays an adman.  Although Meredith MacRae is long gone from the studio, her mother Sheila again plays a secretary.

Buster Keaton this time is Polynesian, as "Bwana Chickie Baby," although he does talk about "firewater" and then remark, "And I ain't even an Indian."  Bobbi Shaw, as always his assistant, this time plays Khola Koku (a pun on Coca-Cola?) and has been given a dark wig and a sarong, but she still sounds Swedish with her "Yah, Yah."  In Bikini Beach, Asher's wife, Elizabeth Montgomery, voiced Lady Bug, while here she has a nonspeaking cameo at the end, as Bwana's daughter the witches' witch, ha ha.

Len Lesser plays South Dakota Slim's meaner brother, North Dakota Pete.  (Presumably, if the series had continued long enough, there would've been Michigan Mike or whatever, as the parody of Minnesota Fats got more and more strained.)  Lesser would have a small role in Fireball 500.

Sig Frohlich, who managed to be both a winged monkey in The Wizard of Oz and a callboy in Easter Parade, here plays an adman.  Shoeshine girl Victoria Carrol would appear in Elvis's Spinout, while Michele Carey, who plays "Michele," would have a much larger role as "Bernice" in Elvis's Live a Little, Love a Little.

Maybe they should've given Asher a rest and had Art Clokey direct the whole thing.

John Goldfarb, Please Come Home!

John Goldfarb, Please Come Home!
March 24, 1965
Fox
Comedy
VHS
C-

While I can't recommend this movie, even as a so-bad-it's-goodie, I suppose some might want to see it to just to say they've seen it.  (Or they have seen it, and can't believe what they saw.)  Briefly, Shirley MacLaine (much much shriekier than in The Apartment, including on the title song*) plays a frigid journalist at Strife Magazine (hardy har) whose editor Charles Lane assigns her to write a story on a harem.  Meanwhile, the title character, played by Richard Crenna, is a sort of combination of pilots Douglas Corrigan and Francis Gary Powers, with the nickname "Wrong Way," and he accidentally lands in the Arabian country of Fawzia while trying to reach Russia.  The King of Fawzia, played by Peter Ustinov, starts a football team for his son, who's been kicked off the Notre Dame team for not being Irish.  (Wouldn't they have noticed right off?)  Oh, and there are various government officials who are trying to spin the situation.

That last aspect was what I liked best, particularly since it involves the sitcom vets Jim Backus as Miles Whitepaper, Fred Clark as Heinous Overreach, Richard Deacon as Charles Maginot, and Harry Morgan as Deems Sarajevo.  Morgan gets the most memorable lines, like the one about the Russians having a case of the cutes, and his reply to Dick "Please don't squeeze the Charmin" Wilson's announcement, "Either Fawz U beats Notre Dame or John Goldfarb goes to Moscow": "Is that an ultimatum or a musical comedy title?"  I'm not saying this stuff is Dr. Strangelove level satire, but it did make me chuckle.  And it's much more palatable than the shrew-taming we get of MacLaine's character, including the "ha ha, the king wants to rape her" subplot.

The script (based on his own book), by none other than William Peter Blatty, later of The Exorcist, is remarkably sexist and anti-Arab, even for its time.  This is not just 21st-century political correctness; contemporary critics hated the movie.  Notre Dame even sued over it!  I realize that I may've made you more interested in seeing the film, so I may as well go on to list some more of its unique cast.

The harem girls include Teri Garr (I don't know under what name); Gari Hardy, who would be "Dumb Blonde" in Speedway; Paula Lane, who was in Dear Brigitte, here playing Polly Benson; Irene Tsu, who was Miss Wu in Take Her, She's Mine and would shortly be a native girl in How to Stuff a Wild Bikini; and Jane Wald, of Take Her and Dear Brigitte.  "Specialty dancer" Nai Bonet would have a more prominent role as a king's belly-dancer in the softcore Fairy Tales (1978).  The football players include James Brolin (as a quarterback); Kent McCord (later of Adam-12), who would do Girl Happy; and Red West, who was in Palm Springs Weekend and would soon be in Girl Happy.

Billy Curtis, who was a Munchkin in The Wizard of Oz, is "Little Football Player."  Chick Collins, who was a fencer in Singin' in the Rain, plays a Bedouin here.  Fred Catania, who was Wheeler's bodyguard in The Girl Can't Help It and a used car salesman in Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter, has a minor role here.  Jim Shane, who was Dave in Palm Springs Weekend, is Chiang here.

Jackie Coogan (yes, Uncle Fester, here playing Father Ryan); Bedouin Jim Dawson; Milton Frome, here an Air Force general; and Olan Soule, who plays the second editor, would shortly do Girl Happy.  Telly Savalas (yes, Kojak) is Macmuid, the harem recruiter, and would be El Sleezo Tough in The Muppet Movie.  

Patrick Adiarte, who plays Prince Ammud, isn't in any of my of my other movies, but I have to note that he was both David in the Hawaiian episodes of The Brady Bunch and Ho-Jon on M*A*S*H.


*The theme pops up repeatedly in the movie, especially during the big football game at the end.  John Williams, yes, that John Williams, was the conductor.

Take Her, She's Mine

Take Her, She's Mine
November 13, 1963
Fox
Comedy, Musical
VHS
B-

Inspired by the play by the Ephrons, who in turn were inspired by daughter Nora's letters home from college, this provides an early look at what would in a few years be known as the generation gap.  Yes, earlier movies showed parents dealing with their high-school and college-age children (including not only Dee's Gidget but Stewart's It's a Wonderful Life).  But this one shows some very '60s-specific issues, particularly in Mollie's (Dee's) freshman year, when she embraces protest and folk music.

But her father, Frank Michaelson, played by Stewart, is more worried about the college men she may be embracing.  Although there are some borderline tasteless moments, overall the film offers a sweet if very dated look at a man dealing with "the awakening of sex in his daughter."  Her dad not only wants Mollie to stay a virgin, but he believes that a woman's ultimate happiness is through marriage.  Mollie, despite her social consciousness and her interest in modern art, ends up marrying a rich, handsome, young Frenchman, and that presumably is enough for her happy ending.  (At 19!  But the average age for women marrying for the first time in '63 was 21.)  How this differs from a '50s film-- other than of course Wilder's Sabrina-- is that it's not clear that Mollie keeps her V-card until the wedding night, and ultimately it doesn't really matter.  And if she has had sex with her French boyfriend, at least she doesn't seem to be pressured into it, after being ogled, hit on, and even harassed by various men, including her high school art teacher!  The variations on this theme of the protective dad's "dish" daughter would play out as the '60s moved on and American cinema tried to cope, particularly in Bob Hope "sex comedies."

We get a bit of Mollie's perspective, although the movie is mostly told in Mr. Michaelson's flashbacks.  I'm using the "musical" tag because Dee shows she can sing and dance in a few different numbers, although she's not showcased in the way she'll be in Doctor, You've Got to Be Kidding!  (That's the movie where I most often reinterpret the Grease lyrics, "Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee, lousy with virginity," because she is lousy at dealing with her screen "virtue," particularly in that film.)  Here she sings not only folk but a French song, as well as dancing the can-can.  She's accompanied on the guitar very briefly by everybody's favorite TV beatnik Bob Denver, not yet transitioned to goofy Gilligan.  Equally scene-stealing is the ever quotable Robert Morley.  (While everyone else keeps mistaking Mr. Michaelson for Jimmy Stewart, ha ha, Morley's Mr. Pope-Jones is convinced Frank looks like Henry Fonda.)

Eugene Borden also played a Frenchman in All About Eve, as did Marcel Hillaire in Sabrina (as the professor at the cooking school).  Jack Chefe was in Please Don't Eat the Daisies.  Harry Carter, Pitt Herbert, Gene O'Donnell, and Charles Robinson would be in Dear Brigitte with Stewart.  (Henry Koster would again direct, but Nunnally Johnson would be uncredited for his work on that script.)  Irene Tsu (Miss Wu here) and Jane Wald would do John Goldfarb, Please Come Home!  James Brolin, who's one of the boys greeting Mollie at the airport when she first goes off to college (he was then 23), would be in both movies.  Cynthia Pepper would be in Miss Congeniality 2.