New York Minute

New York Minute
May 7, 2004
Warner Bros.
Comedy, Action
VHS
C+

This is so bad it's almost watchable.  Not that there isn't a lot to wince at, including some generally unfunny racism, but the whole thing is so implausible, it makes Spice World look carefully crafted.  There is a lot more plot here, and subplots, but the whole thing is so full of WTF moments that I'm going to try to limit myself to ten.  (At the time, I wrote a very lengthy review/inventory, listing about 70 cliches, stereotypes, and implausibilities.)

1. Why did they steal the dad as gynecologist father of two very different sisters thing from 10 Things I Hate About You? And then cast Dr. Drew and have there be no pay-off, plotwise or otherwise?
2. Why, after all the attempts to distinguish between Mary-Kate and Ashley, is there a section where they wear matching outfits?
3. Why does the more conservative twin keep ending up implied-nude?
4. Why is Jack Osbourne attempting an American accent, and not very consistently either?
5. Why, if you have a purple VW Bug, would you try to take the train into New York, especially since you don't have a ticket or any plan beyond hiding in the restroom?
6. Why is there a running motif of people getting things spilled on them?
7. Why does a small dog take an entire day and yet fail to crap out a secret microchip, and why doesn't anyone think to take it to the vet?
8. How is that Jane wins a scholarship on the basis of the notes for her speech?
9. If time is of the essence, shouldn't one version of a makeover at the House of Bling (no, I am not making that up) be sufficient?
10. How could they cast Andrea Martin as Senator Anne Lipton (owner of the dog) and Eugene Levy as a truant officer and give the SCTV-ers only one moment together?

Trust me, this is just the tip of the iceberg, and I haven't even mentioned the Bob Saget cameo.

Jon Benjamin, who's the "I Love NY" Vendor, had provided the voice of the Can of Vegetables in Wet Hot American Summer (a role he'll be reprising on the TV series). This time animal-voice-actor Frank Welker provides Reinaldo Vocal Effects.  Jo Chim, who's got a very small role as Ma Bang's Assistant, had recently been the snooty Salesperson in Mean Girls.

Pre-bling

Mid-bling

Corporate bling