New York Minute

New York Minute
May 7, 2004
Warner Bros.
Comedy, Action
VHS
C+

This is so bad it's almost watchable.  Not that there isn't a lot to wince at, including some generally unfunny racism, but the whole thing is so implausible, it makes Spice World look carefully crafted.  There is a lot more plot here, and subplots, but the whole thing is so full of WTF moments that I'm going to try to limit myself to ten.  (At the time, I wrote a very lengthy review/inventory, listing about 70 cliches, stereotypes, and implausibilities.)

1. Why did they steal the dad as gynecologist father of two very different sisters thing from 10 Things I Hate About You? And then cast Dr. Drew and have there be no pay-off, plotwise or otherwise?
2. Why, after all the attempts to distinguish between Mary-Kate and Ashley, is there a section where they wear matching outfits?
3. Why does the more conservative twin keep ending up implied-nude?
4. Why is Jack Osbourne attempting an American accent, and not very consistently either?
5. Why, if you have a purple VW Bug, would you try to take the train into New York, especially since you don't have a ticket or any plan beyond hiding in the restroom?
6. Why is there a running motif of people getting things spilled on them?
7. Why does a small dog take an entire day and yet fail to crap out a secret microchip, and why doesn't anyone think to take it to the vet?
8. How is that Jane wins a scholarship on the basis of the notes for her speech?
9. If time is of the essence, shouldn't one version of a makeover at the House of Bling (no, I am not making that up) be sufficient?
10. How could they cast Andrea Martin as Senator Anne Lipton (owner of the dog) and Eugene Levy as a truant officer and give the SCTV-ers only one moment together?

Trust me, this is just the tip of the iceberg, and I haven't even mentioned the Bob Saget cameo.

Jon Benjamin, who's the "I Love NY" Vendor, had provided the voice of the Can of Vegetables in Wet Hot American Summer (a role he'll be reprising on the TV series). This time animal-voice-actor Frank Welker provides Reinaldo Vocal Effects.  Jo Chim, who's got a very small role as Ma Bang's Assistant, had recently been the snooty Salesperson in Mean Girls.

Pre-bling

Mid-bling

Corporate bling

Wag the Dog

Wag the Dog
January 9, 1998
New Line Cinema
Comedy
VHS
B-

This was released the same day as Good Will Hunting, but it has dated worse, partly because it became dated almost immediately.  Yes, the writers are not to blame that Clinton would be involved in a sex scandal (with an over-21 intern rather than a teenage Firefly Girl), but the timing could've been better.  The main problem is that the movie generally is never as incisive and clever, or for that matter as impressively outrageous, as it thinks it is.  2009's In the Loop would be better on all these counts, as well as have an actual war result within the film rather than a "pageant" of war.  That said, I think Robert De Niro and Dustin Hoffman work well together.  (They would later be in-laws in Meet the Fockers, which I've seen but don't own.)  Anne Heche isn't bad but makes less of an impression.  And the less said about Woody Harrelson's psycho rapist comic relief character, the better.

George Gaynes, who kept hitting on Hoffman in Tootsie, here has a much smaller role, as Senator Cole.  Kevin Furlong was Dennis Riday in Hot to Trot, and is Jockey #2 here.  Phillip V. Caruso is primarily a still photographer, but he played photographers in this and Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.  Jenna Byrne plays Sharon here and would be Cindy Castellucci in The Wedding Singer, while Jason Cottle is A.D. here and would play Byrne's husband Scott there.  Derrick Morgan is a CIA Agent here and would be Armcast Henson in Never Been Kissed.

As in In & Out, Jay Leno appears as himself.  Craig T. Nelson plays the President's opponent, Senator John Neal.  This time, Kirsten Dunst plays Tracy Lime, the young actress pretending to be Albanian.  Andrea Martin isn't given much to do as brainstormer Liz Butsky, but she does it flamboyantly of course.

At least it has a better title than "Good Will Hunting," even if it does need an explanation.

Too Much Sun

Too Much Sun
January 25, 1991
Cinetel Films
Comedy
VHS
C+

This early '90s oddity sets out to offend and to amuse, succeeding in both, sometimes simultaneously.  Homosexual siblings and their lovers are pitted against an evil priest and his trio of nuns, at least one of whom he's romantically involved with, in order to get the estate of Howard Duff (who soon died offscreen as well).  The brother and sister are played by Eric Idle and Andrea Martin.  Robert Downey, Sr. directed the movie and cowrote it, one of his cowriters being his wife, Laura Ernst, who plays Martin's lover (giving what's probably the best performance in the movie) and who died only three years after this movie came out, at the age of 36.  And Downey's son (then 24) plays one of two twisted realtors, his partner being Ralph Macchio.  Allan Arbus, not looking terribly much older a dozen years after Americathon, has a role as a chauffeur, although he disappears about halfway through.  So the movie is at least interesting for its cast.  Downey, Jr. also sings the title song, in his persona within a persona of an English rock star.  (His British accent still needed some work, though it's marginally better than Idle's American.)

Besides the stereotyping and tastelessness (the less said about the "lullaby" scene the better), the film also suffers from failing to uphold even its own reality.  There's a proviso in Duff's will that one of his children must become a parent within a year of his death in order to get the inheritance, which will otherwise go to the church.  But then there's a big showdown at the end, all centered around whether Martin is the mother of a 22-year-old.  And Idle is shown as trying to impregnate three women (his sister's lover, his one-time straight fling, and a prostitute), and it's implied that he can't reach orgasm.  (There's a funny line, where he inquires hopefully, "Did I come?")   And yet, later it's revealed that 22 years ago his one-time fling bore a son.  And, presumably nine months after the film is set, the prostitute is shown pushing a stroller.

Despite all this, there's something almost likable about the movie.  It kept almost winning me over.  Maybe with a stronger script, it could've been a lost gem.  As it is, it's just a time capsule of Bush I era sex-- AIDS results cards, 976 numbers, and all.