Hollywood Uncensored

Hollywood Uncensored
1987 [exact release date unknown]
Caidin Film
Documentary
VHS
B-

No pun intended, but this documentary on Hollywood censorship is unfocused.  However, the clips and the interviews are interesting.  I think with tighter editing and writing, as well as sticking with one "host" throughout (rather than Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. and then Peter Fonda), this could've been more on a level with Celluloid Closet.  I would  still recommend it for not only its '80s perspective (Silent Night, Deadly Night is the most recent movie discussed), but also for interviews with celebrities who are no longer with us, including Jane Russell (who's quite funny as she discusses the bra she was supposed to wear for the Outlaw), as well as Hal Roach, then 95.  (He died five years later.)  I just wish that the questions had been better, but (except in the case of Baby Doll), no one seems to have wanted to dig deeper.  Fairbanks might be expected to talk about his father's films a little, but he doesn't even seem to remember much about his own 1930 sex drama we see a clip from.  HU is not a bad introduction to the Hays code and all, but I would definitely recommend watching more documentaries, and reading some books on the topic.  (This book, for instance, gives a much better sense of context:  http://rereadingeverybookiown.blogspot.com/2012/08/see-no-evil-life-inside-hollywood-censor.html)

Who's That Girl

Who's That Girl
August 7, 1987
Warner Bros.
Comedy, Romance, Action
VHS
B-

Released the same day as Back to the Beach, this was not and still is not anywhere near as well liked by the critics and public.  (Interestingly, feminist Kathi Maio gave it a mostly favorable review.)  As someone who has no strong feelings for or against Madonna (and an affection for Frankie & Annette that made me go see BttB at the time), it may seem odd that I'm giving this movie the same rating.  I wouldn't say that it's aged well-- it's even more '80s and it's chockful of stereotypes-- but there's something oddly appealing about it.

It's a screwball comedy that rips off Bringing Up Baby, which I never cared for, by the way.  (I'm in the minority in thinking that Sylvia Scarlett is the best Grant-Hepburn movie.)  WTG is also an action comedy.  And a manic-pixie-dreamgirl nightmare.  Griffin Dunne, as Louden Trott, a role not entirely dissimilar to his straight-arrow lawyer character in Johnny Dangerously, manages to be both the Goldblumian in-story commentator on the craziness around him and the won-over-in-less-than-24-hours victim/love interest for Madonna.  Who looks like Betty Boop, especially in the animated opening credit sequence that sets up the back-story.  (You know, while people are finding their seats.)

The title by the way has no question mark, so I guess it's a statement.  Madonna is who is that girl.  (Sorry, Marlo Thomas.)  But Nikki Finn isn't much like Madonna, except in creating controversy and being on the cutting edge of fashion.  You may not like Madonna or Nikki, but there's so much else going on here, weird little touches like the way the on-the-spot reporter interviews the kidnapped bridesmaids, and the Don'ts pictures for Louden's wedding night, that it won't really matter.  And I can't think of any other movie, in the '80s or beyond, that would resolve the bickering-cops subplot the way this one does.  Perhaps the fact that the script was co-written by Ken Finkleman and Andrew Smith, of respectively Grease 2 and the 1979 TV-movie Playboy's Roller Disco & Pajama Party, explains the way cliches are almost subverted, but I doubt it.

Arthur Tovey, who has an uncredited role as the butler, was then 82 and had credits dating back decades, including as Military Man in Restaurant in A Night in Casablanca.  Shari Summers was Edith Phern in Harold and Maude and plays Nurse #2 here.

Carmen Filpi, Street Bum #1 here, would have a brief but memorable role as Old Man Withers in Wayne's World, while Sean Sullivan, who's the Gun Dealer here, would be Phil there.  Co-op member Robert Weil would be Mail Room Boss in The Hudsucker Proxy.  John McMartin, who plays Simon Worthington, would be Huntingdon Hartford in Kinsey.

A 26-year-old Stanley Tucci plays the 2nd Dock Worker.

Unfairly trashed by the critics.

Back to the Beach

Back to the Beach
August 7, 1987
Paramount
Comedy, Musical
VHS
B-

I have a soft spot for this then-modern-day follow-up to the Beach Party series but I will admit that it can't sustain the wonderful pre-title sequence.  It's never boring, but some of the jokes are a bit clunky and the energy feels off much of the time.  It's certainly one of the most amiable B-s I own and I would recommend it, but let me talk about some of the issues I have with it.

Number one is that at this point, more years have passed since BttB was released than there had been in the gap between this and How to Stuff a Wild Bikini, and the '80sness has definitely not aged well.  You wouldn't think buxom young blondes could look bad, but see a number of them in the most horrendous of late '80s neon/fluorescent colors and you'll be wishing that Annette's fondness for polka dots had become a trend.  The modern and modernized-'60s music generally does not work, although Annette's revamped "Jamaican Ska" understandably enchants the entire beach.

Number two is the misguided nostalgia.  Now, I know you're saying, Wait, this is a movie starring Frankie and Annette as Frankie and Annette.  But that's kind of the problem.  Frankie was "Frankie" but he was never "The Big Kahuna."  And Annette, as any real Beach Party fan knows, was "Dee Dee" (short for "Dolores").  As welcome as Connie Stevens is (like F & A she looks great in this), she was never part of the series, so setting her up as both Annette's rival and future in-law seems wrong.  I realize this movie was marketed at the mainstream (and did quite well commercially and critically as I recall), but it would've been nice to bring in Deborah Walley, John Ashley, and some more of the gang (Mike Nader! Donna Loren!), rather than make us grateful for "Dick Dale and at least two of the Del-Tones."  (Two of Frankie's real-life sons are part of the band, a nice touch.)

Expanding on point number two, the movie has an odd assortment of mostly television cameos, and not ones from The Mickey Mouse Club.  June, Wally, and Beaver Cleaver show up (with a little Siskel & Ebert parody that I presume Gene & Roger liked, since they gave two thumbs up), and I'll admit it's good to see Gilligan and the Skipper (Bob Denver has some of the best lines in the film), and Don Adams is kinda sorta Maxwell-Smart, but what does this have to do with the original low-budget movie series?  O.J. Simpson (in a gag that probably no one under thirty will get now without Googling) and Peewee Herman have even more random cameos.

There are a whole bunch of characters who aren't given much to do (including F & A's daughter), yet we're supposed to care when some girl (I think her name was Robin) who can't swim might have to face the leader of the rival surfer gang.  It's like a lot got lost in the editing, or among the drafts of the no less than six writers.  (Does this, dare I say it, need a director's cut?)

But Frankie & Annette are themselves as delightful as ever, good-naturedly parodying themselves and having fun with the usually deliberately hokey script.  Demian Slade as their 12-year-old son has most of the great lines that Bob Denver doesn't have.  I think they should've had him continue to narrate throughout the film, because, unlike Woody Allen in Radio Days, he adds a whole other great layer to the proceedings.  Overall, I'd put this on a level with the average Beach Party movie, which is impressive considering how different it is and how much time had passed.  I wish it was more than it is, but what it is is good summer fun, even in the winter.

Note, Connie's beach date, Scott L. Treger, was a basketball player in Soul Man.

Love at Stake

Love at Stake
August 1, 1987
Hemdale Film
Comedy, Historical, Fantasy, Romance
VHS
C+

This comedy about the Puritans is indeed sometimes funny, but unfortunately many of the jokes are repeated and thus lose their efficacy.  Also, too much of the humor is sexual or otherwise crude, when there's more potential for political and other satire.  (And making fun of Nixon is doubly anachronistic, for 1692 and 1987.)  Yes, some of the R-rated jokes are funny, too, but when Dr. Joyce Brothers (yes, you read that right) analyzes the Puritans as being sexually repressed, it would have more sting if we didn't see most of them (even the parson's bitchy old mother) as lecherous at some point.  Even the parson (played by a by-then middle-aged Bud Cort) is having an affair.  And Barbara Carrera, as the scene-stealing actual witch in the midst of the falsely accused, is incredibly sensuous.  The other two notable cast members are Stuart Pankin and SCTV's Dave Thomas as the judge and mayor who are out to profit from the burnings.  (The "romance" tag is for the bland main couple who are victims of the machinations.)  The film is notable for using a "fire" song that Nice Girls Don't Explode missed: "A Hunk a Hunk of Burning Love."  I almost went with a B-, but I will admit that the marshmallow-roasting at the witch-burnings (which aren't in any case historically accurate for the Salem witch trials, where I believe hanging was the preferred execution) took the tasteless humor too far.

Stanley Coles had been part of "Young Lonely Hearts Club Band" in Sgt. Pepper and he's a guard here.

Roxanne

Roxanne
June 19, 1987
Columbia
Comedy, Romance
VHS
B-

As with All of Me (1984), I enjoyed this Steve Martin movie more at the time, although it's still a pretty good movie.  The setting (Nelson, BC passing as Nelson, WA) is lovely, a little mountain town with Victorian houses.  The romantic triangle (based on the play of course) generally works, even if there are times it's a bit implausible that someone as bright as the title character is supposed to be (played by Daryl Hannah) doesn't figure out the deception sooner.  Shelley Duvall, as Martin's "godsister" Dixie (I guess her mom was his godmother, or a similar situation), gives a good supporting performance as friend to both CD and Roxanne, with a life of her own.  The third side of the triangle gets his own happy ending with a character who has been established early on.  I can't think of anything seriously wrong with the movie, other than that a lot of the firefighter slapstick doesn't hold up.  (There is one nice sight gag out a window.)  It's a pleasant enough movie but I think ultimately forgettable.

This time, Fred Willard plays Mayor Deebs, who of course (like all Willard characters) frequently puts his foot in his mouth and doesn't notice.  Matt Lattanzi, who plays Trent, was Brad (and thus a subject of a song) in Grease 2.  We get early and small but instantly recognizable appearances by two men who'd go on to comedy success, particularly on the little screen: then 33-year-old Kevin Nealon as a drunk and then 26-year-old Damon Wayans as a fireman.

"You don't have to wear that dress tonight."

Ishtar

Ishtar
May 15, 1987
Columbia
Comedy, Action
VHS
C-

This isn't as terrible as you've heard, but that's not saying much.  It starts out fine, with Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty as two talentless musicians who dream of the big time.  (Hoffman thinks they can surpass Simon & Garfunkel, a nice little sort of reference to Hoffman's break-through movie, directed by Elaine May's former comedy partner, Mike Nichols.)  The songs, mostly cowritten by Ms. May and Paul Williams, are so bad they're good.  But then writer-director May, in the form of the guys' agent, played by Jack Weston (27 years after Please Don't Eat the Daisies) sends them to the title country, on the border of Morocco.  And I lose almost all interest in the movie.

In a way, May was trying to make an '80s answer to the Road to movies, but she set this in sort of the real world.  (Hoffman thinks Kaddafy is another country.)  And there's none of the fourth-wall-breaking we got with Bob and Bing.  Also, their Dorothy Lamour is a left-wing revolutionary who flashes her breasts when she's pretending to be a boy.  May could've done some astute political satire (this was released in the midst of Iran-Contra after all), but what we get is no sharper, or funnier, than in Warren's sister's John Goldfarb.  Also, if I can't decide whether I wish there was more of Carol Kane or I'm grateful for her sake that her character breaks up with Hoffman's and disappears from the movie, that's not a good thing.  Even the whole reversed expectations of Beatty being a loser with women doesn't really have any kind of pay-off.

My advice: watch the first twenty minutes or so and then maybe the last three.  (If you need to see Isabelle Adjani's breasts, they're fairly early on.)

Fred Melamed had small roles in both Hannah and Her Sisters and Radio Days, and here he plays Caid of Assari.  Bill Moor plays U.S. Consul here and would be Duke Vermont in Tune in Tomorrow....

Nice Girls Don't Explode

SPOILERS!

Nice Girls Don't Explode
February 1987
New World
Comedy, Romance
VHS
C+

There are times that this feels like it might be a quirky half-forgotten '80s gem, like Something Special, but it never quite overcomes its basic premise (extremely overprotective mother tricks gullible daughter into thinking that the latter is a "fire girl" whose hormones are combustible), and there's one central scene that might be a parody of racist fears (Mom has two heavyset black men tie down the boyfriend and forcibly shave one of his legs) but is nonetheless racist.  The movie is often funny-- especially anything involving the cat (played by Orange Cat #5, with Eric the Cat providing stunts)-- and Barbara Harris, then 51, can sell even a role like this.  Wallace Shawn also, well, lights up the screen as a pyromaniac named Ellen.  Michelle Meyrink and William O'Leary make a cute couple, and I like the use of music (the theme that is Bradyically used for every mood, as well as "fire" songs like "Fever").  But I can only marginally recommend this.

Radio Days

Radio Days
January 30, 1987
Orion
Comedy, Historical
VHS
C+

This is the movie that prompted Pauline Kael to say that Woody Allen had become the curator of his own childhood.  And this is not an interactive museum.  Yes, Allen kept us at a distance in Zelig, but that was a mockumentary.  There's no reason that his memories of his childhood have to be overly narrated.  After awhile, I wanted the Annie-Hall era Woody to snap, "Jesus, wouldn't it have been better to write a New Yorker essay?"  It's like Allen didn't trust his cast, including Seth Green as his sort of alter ego Joe (older than Allen would've been in the late '30s to mid '40s) and the potentially great Julie Kavner as Joe's mother, and had to keep hovering over them, presenting anecdotes, interjecting comments, and then drawing up the morals.  Yes, Alvy Singer jumped into his childhood memories, but to riff on them, and it was a free-for-all MSTing that others could join in on.

The movie is an ironic follow-up to Hannah and Her Sisters, with Dianne Weist again playing the sister who's the biggest screw-up.  (Renee Lippin as the other sister is utterly believable as being related to Kavner, and it doesn't hurt that she was Michelle on The Bob Newhart Show around the time Kavner was Brenda Morgenstern on Rhoda.)  This time Mia Farrow is cast against type as Sally, a dumb-blonde cigarette girl who rises to the top of radio.  For her, along with Tony Roberts, Jeff Daniels, Diane Keaton, and most of the other Woody-ites, this movie is only a reminder of better moments.

Not that the movie is bad.  It's just inoffensive and episodic, and even when you think there's going to be a pay-off (like that all the radio stars will end up trapped on the roof when Sally leads them up there), there isn't one, or not much of one.  I would recommend the movie for the cast and the way it sort of captures a time, but lower your expectations.  And I will note that this is the last Woody Allen movie I own; the next and last I saw was 1997's Deconstructing Harry and I found it hostile and unfunny.  This is comparatively warm, if luke-warm.

Hy Anzell, who's Mr. Waldbaum here, was Joey Nichols in Annie Hall, while Martin Rosenblatt, Mr. Needleman here, was Alvy's uncle there.  Among the unnamed radio voices, Norman Rose voiced "Death" in Love and Death, Wendell Craig was the Universal Newsreel Announcer in Zelig, and Dwight Weist was the Hearst Metronome Announcer in Zelig.  Kuno Sponholz plays a German in both Zelig and here, earlier as specifically ex-Nazi Oswald Pohl.  Also, Dimitri Vassilopoulos was Martinez in Zelig and Perfirio here (yes, even with that Greek-sounding name).

Sydney Blake, the Variety Reporter in The Purple Rose of Cairo, plays Miss Gordon here.  Of Purple Rose's penny pitchers, Peter Castellotti is Mr. Davis here and Paul Herman plays a burglar.  Michael Tucker, by this time on L.A. Law, is Joe's father Martin and had been Gil's agent in Purple Rose.  This time, Danny Aiello plays Rocco, a more sympathetic tough guy.  Ivan Kronenfeld was Lee's husband in Hannah and is On-the-Spot Newsman here, while Ira Wheeler was Dr. Abel there and the Sponsor here.  Mia's son Fletcher was a Thanksgiving Guest there and plays Andrew here.  Helen Miller was not only in the Purple Rose movie audience and played Mickey's mother in Hannah, but she's Mrs. Needleman here.

The other burglar, Mike Starr, would be Shipping Co-Worker in Who's That Girl.  Fred Melamed was Dr. Grey in Hannah, is Bradley here, and would be Caid of Assari in Ishtar.  Crystal Field was part of the movie audience in Purple Rose, is half of the Abercrombie Couple here, and would be Josephine Sanders in Tune in Tomorrow....

Having featured Mia's mom and the Marx Brothers' ex-co-star in Hannah, it seems appropriate that we here see A Night at the Opera's Kitty Carlisle, then 76.  Richard Portnow, playing Sy here, was First New York Wino in Roadie.  Wallace Shawn, who has a nice little role as the voice of the Masked Avenger, would shortly be more prominent in Nice Girls Don't Explode.

"My family liked to pose for pictures in the living room...."

Something Special

Something Special AKA Willy/Milly AKA I Was a Teenage Boy
November 14, 1986
Concorde Pictures
Comedy, Fantasy, Romance
VHS
B

Yes, this is something special, and yes, it's also something-like-a-Bizarro-Universe-ABC-after-school-special.  Like my other '86 movies, there's something both even-more-offensive-than-intended-at-the-time and kind of sweet about it, although the balance here is more towards sweet than offensive.  It obviously most resembles Soul Man, although the differences are enlightening.  In the C. Thomas Howell movie, the title character wanted something that he couldn't have, so he changed physically to get it, but ended up learning a lot about himself, and others, including the falsity of stereotypes, which yes, also somewhat resembles Tootsie, although Dustin Hoffman didn't do any more extreme body changes than a lot of plucking and shaving.

The title character here, played by Grease 2's  by-then 18-year-old Pamela Segall (who easily passes as 14), doesn't rely on non-FDA-approved drugs, but on magic from the mysterious red-haired little boy next door, Malcolm.  That's an early, although not the earliest, role for twelve-year-old Seth Green.  Among other things, he'd been in The Hotel New Hampshire and Billions for Boris, the latter as Ape-Face to Mary Tanner's Annabel, and Tanner is his big sister here, too, as Stephanie, Willy/Milly Niceman's best friend.  I'd argue that it is in fact a very Seth-Green role, as calmly quirky as anything I've seen him in as an adult.  And unlike the mysterious friend with the tanning pills who disappears once the scene changes to Boston, Malcolm hovers at the edges of this movie, like a pint-sized Prospero, master-minding the plot.

Which makes the movie even weirder than you'd expect for a PG-13 gender-bender.  Things get more explicit than they did in 1940's Turnabout, but never as explicit (or tasteless) as you might expect for an '80s teen comedy.  That's particularly an accomplishment, what with Stephanie seeming intrigued by her friend's new equipment, and Willy's new male friend's fear of being a "faggot," not to mention the airhead who likes Niceman's Scott-Baio-like charm.  (One thing that's never explained is why, in what is apparently Atlanta, GA, everyone has a generic American accent, except for our hero[ine] whose male hormones only bring out more of Segall's New-Yorkiness.)  But even when Milly shows her "willy" to her parents, perfectly played by Patty Duke and John Glover, it's not offensive.  (It happens offscreen.)

The movie might offend LGBT folks, considering how everything is resolved in a relentlessly heterosexual happy ending.  (Stephanie gets the Matthew-Perry look-alike, played by JD Cullum.)  Personally, for its time, and even now, I think it holds up well, and you have to remember that it is basically about a straight teenage girl who wants to be a boy because she thinks boys have things easier.  The acting, writing, and directing are generally solid (if sometimes cheesy).  I don't want to oversell the movie, because I kind of like that it's this obscure little comedy.  But I hope that it will win you over, just like it did me when I saw it on about 25 years ago on cable, from the uber-catchy-'80s opening song, "One Change in My Life," onward.

And, no, I haven't read the book, but I'd really like to.

Once again, don't believe the poster, or video-packaging.  For one thing, the Nicemans don't even have a dog.

Another thing that's special about this movie, is it's the 200th I've reviewed.  In the twenty years covered since Boy, Did I Get a Wrong Number!, I've added no D-s (still the lowest grade), but there's now a D and two more D+s (for three total).  The C-s have increased from 8 to 14, the C's from 10 to 18, and the C+s from 29 to 47.  The B-s have blossomed from 26 to 58, while the B's have also more than doubled, from 12 to 27, and the B+s almost tripled, from 9 to 22! There's still only one A (no A+s of course), but now 5 instead of 3 A-s.  (I realize this only comes to 197 total, but I can't figure out which are the movies I forgot to label.)

Comedy still dominates the genres of course, even with genre-benders like this, with 83.5% of the movies falling totally or partially into that category.  Groucho's 17 appearances (most recently in the Duck Soup clip of Hannah and Her Sisters) keep him at the top of the list of stars of my movies, perhaps permanently.  Paramount produced 31 of my movies, so they're still the top studio, although that may change as we move into the more modern era....

Soul Man

I

Soul Man

October 24, 1986

New World

Comedy, Romance, Sci-Fi

I

DVD

B-

This is a well-intentioned, often funny movie that doesn't deserve its bad reputation.  That said, it's also an implausible mess with plot-holes enough to fill the Albert Hall.  Let's talk about genres, because the movie manages to be both formulaic and unsatisfying.

I know, you're thinking Sci-fi?!  How is this science fiction?  It's unrealistic, but it is sort of set in a recognizable world, particularly LA and Boston.  Remember though, how does C. Thomas Howell's character Mark become "black" in order to get a scholarship?  He takes tanning pills that seemingly instantly darken his skin and curl his hair.  (The make-up job is poorly done, not just in that he's no more "black" than Prince Naveen in The Princess and the Frog, but that it's inconsistently applied, so that the tone varies from scene to scene, like the green make-up in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.).  Mark gets the tanning pills from a druggie friend of his but there's no magical transformation scene, or even a clear explanation.  I can't help thinking that an entirely different movie could've been made in the '80s about the friend, with the tanning pills being just one of his many wacky inventions.

Instead we get several other subgenres of comedy: raunchy college sex comedy (although the sex and nudity happen offscreen); a social-consciousness comedy where the writers seems as naive and as unaware of consequences as the protagonist; and of course a romantic comedy with only one kiss between the central couple, not to mention an unresolved issue or two.  (Nineteen-year-old Howell does convincingly play infatuated with 25-year-old Rae Dawn Chong, which is easy to do, since one, she's stunning, and two they fell in love during the filming, although they were married and divorced within four years.)

Luckily, the movie is also a buddy comedy, and Mark has a loyal buddy in Gordon, played by 26-year-old Arye Gross, who'd later be Ellen's TV buddy on These Friends of Mine.  Gross has great comic timing and he manages to make his character sympathetic, even if it's the equivalent of Hamburger: The Motion Picture's Fred Domino.  (That he's to my taste a heck of a lot better-looking than Howell, particularly blackface Howell, Gross resembling Julian Lennon, especially when he wears a scarf, doesn't hurt.)  I probably would've gone with a C+ on this if not for Gross

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As in Morons from Outer Space, James B. Sikking isn't onscreen much but still plays a pivotal role, here as Mark's father who cuts him off financially.  John William Young, who plays the banker, had recently been Prestopopnick in Hamburger, while Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who plays Lisa here, was in another '86 movie, Hannah and Her Sisters.The rest of the cast is eclectic to say the least, including as it does James Earl Jones, Pink Lady's Jeff Altman, and a 28-year-old Ron Reagan, Jr.  (There are a couple gentle jokes about Reagan, Sr.)  Also, Leslie Nielsen shows up in my movie collection again, 17 years after his relatively straight-man role in How to Commit Marriage, in the interval having done Airplane and Police Squad.  This part isn't that broad, but he does play a rich bigot with no redeeming features.  His biggest scene is a sort of rip-off of Annie Hall, as he and his family imagine Mark fitting various over-the-top stereotypes.  (Oh, and I have to note that he's playing the father of a girl who tells Mark that she doesn't see it as a matter of black and white but shades of gray.  Presumably 50 of them.)

Scott L. Treger, who has an uncredited role as a Harvard basketball player, would also be uncredited as Connie's beach date in Back to the Beach.  Wally Ward, who's Barky Brewer here, would have another alliterative character in The Invisible Kid, as Milton McClane.  Donald Hotton, who plays Mr. Wicher, would be Minister in Hot to Trot.  Amy Stock-Poynton, who's Girl in Bed in the opening scene, would be Bill's young stepmother in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

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It's add your own caption time again!

Hannah and Her Sisters

Hannah and Her Sisters
March 14, 1986
Orion
Comedy, Drama
VHS
B-

When I saw this at 18, I was very annoyed with the audience when they (all of whom had been adults longer than I had) laughed at the argument between the characters played by Max Von Sydow and Barbara Hershey.  I found the movie a lot more profound then than I do now.  Yes, you might think that being middle-aged I'd identify with it more, but I think it's partly that I am middle-aged that I feel so impatient with these spoiled, unhappy, upper-middle-class characters.  I want to yell at the screen that they should all be nicer to Hannah (Mia Farrow), who's basically holding the family together.  That only a few years later Woody Allen would leave Farrow for Mia's adopted daughter (and perhaps abuse the very young daughter he adopted with Mia) has also made this film less enjoyable.  It's hard to watch Elliot (Michael Caine) cheat on Hannah with her sister Lee (Hershey's character).  And the jokes about "child molestation" don't help either.

This is not to say that the movie isn't still entertaining.  It is often funny and sometimes genuinely insightful.  The acting is overall solid, with the balance of comedy and drama generally good.  Farrow, Wiest, and Hershey don't look much alike ('80s perms aside), but they're believable as sisters, and of course Farrow's mother O'Sullivan is convincing as the mom.  I do have to say that Helen Miller and Leo Postrel (who were both part of the movie audience in Purple Rose of Cairo) steal the movie with their one scene as Mickey (the Woody character)'s parents, and I'm totally on the father's side when he says who cares what happens when he's dead, "I'll be unconscious."  Julie Kavner (then best known as TV's Rhoda's sister Brenda) also is good and down-to-earth in her scenes as Mickey's coworker Gail, my favorite line being the one about the black spot on his shirt.

But too often the movie takes itself as seriously as Mickey does, and even at 18 I wanted to watch Duck Soup more after that one clip.  Also, I've always felt that the 39 Steps are superior to Bobby Short, if what we see of them here is any indication.  But, yeah, those Thanksgiving dinners look like they might've been fun, if too angsty for my taste.

This time Woody regular John Doumanian is a Thanksgiving guest.  Ivan Kronenfeld, who plays Lee's husband, would be On-the-Spot Newsman in Radio Days.  Mia's son Fletcher Farrow Previn, who's a Thanksgiving guest here, would be Andrew there.  Fred Melamed is Dr. Grey here and would be Bradley there.  And Ira Wheeler, who's Dr. Abel, would be a Sponsor.  The nicest bit of casting is probably Tony Roberts again cast as Woody's friend who goes Hollywood, this time first contributing some sperm for Hannah's twins.

Daniel Stern was a Hare Krishna in One-Trick Pony but has a more prominent role here as Dusty the rock star.  Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who had just completed a stint on Saturday Night Live, appropriately shows up as part of the staff on Mickey's SNL-like TV show; she was then 25 and would soon play a recent college graduate in Soul Man.  William Sturgis, who's Elliot's Analyst, would be Franklin Benedict in The Royal Tenenbaums.  Carrie Fisher plays Lee's best friend "who steals her boyfriend."

Save me a drumstick and don't seat me next to Ichabod Crane.

Hamburger: The Motion Picture

Hamburger: The Motion Picture
January 1986
Busterburger Limited Partnership
Comedy, Sci-Fi
VHS
C+

As you might guess from the title, this movie is sometimes cheesy and often tasteless.  It is funnier than, for instance, Transylvania 6-5000, but it is chockful of politically incorrect stereotypes.  To take the most egregious example, an attractive female freedom-fighter from Guacamole comes into the room of our hero, and she's topless, carrying a machine gun, and demanding sex.  Yes, it's this, http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DoubleStandardRapeFemaleOnMale, of course played for comedy.  He gets out of it by pretending to be gay, it having been established in the opening scenes that women always want to have sex with him, but it keeps getting him kicked out of colleges, and he's trying to change his luck, here at Busterburger University, in order to claim an inheritance.

The jokes involving the university, and fast food in general, sometimes work.  Those playing off the stereotypes-- there's also a nerd, a nun, a fat guy, a black singer who's sort of Rick-Jamesian, and the wacky horndog roommate (Buddy Hackett's son Sandy as Fred) of our too sexy hero-- mostly don't.  The movie had only one writer but often seems schizophrenic, as if one person wrote the crude stuff and the other wrote the parody, not that these don't sometimes overlap.  (The movie actually steals the thudding "Mao Tse-Tung" joke from Americathon, but you probably won't notice because it's during the infamous Fred "eats out" scene.)  I'd probably give the movie a C, but I kind of like the various songs, all of which celebrate, yes, hamburgers.

This time Chuck McCann plays the mad Dr. Mole, and Dick Butkus is the villain Drootin.  Charles Tyner, who plays founder Lyman Vunk, was Uncle Victor in Harold and Maude.  (And he's still alive at almost 90!)  Overweight twins Betsy Lynn and Carol Gwynn Thompson were the Siamese Connection in The Gong Show Movie.  Frequent extra Helen Kelly, here a restaurant patron, had recently appeared in Girls Just Want to Have Fun as Woman at the Park.

John William Young, who's Prestopopnick here, would have an uncredited role as a banker in Soul Man.

Another '80s movie that can't live up to its poster.

Transylvania 6-5000

Transylvania 6-5000
Nov. 8, 1985
New World
Comedy, Horror
DVD
C-

Rudy De Luca is the main party responsible for this near monstrosity.  It's one of his few directing credits (the infamous Pink Lady...And Jeff  TV variety show is another), but he also penned Caveman and Million Dollar Mystery.  (He also plays Lawrence Malbot, the Wolfman's father I think.)  So sometimes the dumb humor works, but mostly it doesn't.  The movie doesn't work as Horror either, or Horror-Comedy, particularly with most of the scenes set in daylight.  So why did I get it on DVD?  (With De Luca's commentary no less!)  Well, it was cheap and I had blocked out things like the jokes that are as unfunny the tenth time as they are the first.

Here's what you can do to amuse yourself if you do end up watching this movie:

1. Count the performers who are over 6 feet tall:  Jeff Goldblum (6' 4 1/2"), Jeffrey Jones (6' 4 1/2"), Ed Begley, Jr. (6' 4"), Donald Gibb (6' 4", the Wolfman here and Mad Dog in Meatballs Part II), Michael Richards (6' 3"), Joseph Bologna (6' 1"), and Geena Davis (6').
2. Ogle Goldblum and/or Davis, both of whom show off their chests.  (They met on the set, so something good came out of this.)
3. Savor the irony of Norman Fell's (not over 6') celebration of "crap."
4. Enjoy every single rendition of the title song, from the rockin' version over the opening credits to the castle phone's ring tone to the folk tune towards the end to the closing not-exactly-Glenn-Miller big band take.
5. Wonder if Carol Kane (5' 2") is more embarrassed by her role as half of a hunchback couple with John Byner, or by her briefer role in the bigger bomb Ishtar.

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Girls Just Want to Have Fun
April 12, 1985
New World
Musical, Romance, Comedy
DVD
C+

At 17, I was a shade too old for this movie, which apparently didn't do well at the box office without my help.  (I got it for like a $1 a couple years ago.)  GJWHF probably is of more interest now than at the time, and that's not saying much.  It has only thematic connection with the Cyndi Lauper song, which is covered by someone more obscure.  (Lauper allegedly appears as Woman in Diner though.)  The main plot elements of a teenage girl getting on a dance show, with the help of her loyal best friend, while falling in love with a cute boy she dances with, would be done much better in Hairspray three years later.  (And Hairspray would manage a lot more of course.)  Lee Montgomery isn't a particularly likable or compelling love interest, although he does have more charisma than Gil Petersen in The Cool Ones.  The film doesn't have the charming absurdity of a '60s teen movie, although there are certainly plot-holes and unexplained character motivation, notably in the debutante ball crashed by punkers, New-Wavers, female body-builders, and others with no better way to spend a Saturday night.

This movie is better than Thank God It's Friday, for what it's worth.  It's more focused and we actually see more of the dancing.  My marginal recommendation though is for the early glimpses of 21-year-old Helen Hunt, 20-year-old Sarah Jessica Parker, 18-year-old Jonathan Silverman, and 14-year-old Shannen Doherty.  Hunt, often with fake creatures on her head, steals every scene she's in, although the other "girls" are watchable enough.  Silverman's character is obnoxious but he tries hard in his first big-screen role.  (The gals were already TV vets by '85.)

As for the rest of the cast, real life d.j./v.j. Richard Blade plays the host of Dance TV.  Twenty-year-old Robert Downey, Jr., whom if I recall correctly was dating Parker at the time, apparently was uncredited as a Punk Party Crasher.  Extra Helen Kelly, who's Woman at the Park here, had previously appeared in Spinal Tap and Johnny Dangerously and would go on to Hamburger: The Motion Picture.  Of the nameless dancers, Karen and Sharon Owens would dance in Earth Girls Are Easy, while Tita Omeze would be Tanya in that movie.

"Dude, don't touch my hair!"

Morons from Outer Space

Morons from Outer Space
March 29, 1985
Thorn EMI
Comedy, Sci-Fi
VHS
B-

Written by and starring comedy partners Griff Rhys Jones and Mel Smith (although they don't appear together till the final scene), this silly but never moronic British comedy doesn't feel as fresh as when I first saw it on cable a few years after its release, but it still makes me smile.  Part of the problem is not just that I've seen it before (after all, that didn't hurt Johnny Dangerously), but also that that style of physical comedy and sight gags, with "surprise" elements popping up, has been used so much since then.  (However, the "brick joke" that goes much faster than the TV Tropes' examples still impresses me with its timing.)  Most of the gags actually work better in the closing credits, set to the title tune (sung by the Morons).  Also, the film references are to movies I've either never seen or haven't seen in decades.

Still, it's an amiable if twisted movie.  It takes balls to cast James B. Sikking as gung-ho Col. Raymond Larrabee, CIA, and then kill him off early in the movie.  (He does show up for one of those dead-guy reaction-shots that were apparently popular in the mid-'80s, cf. Johnny Dangerously.)  The trio of moronic aliens, with their Northern accents (sorry, I can't place them more specifically than that, other than non-Liverpudlian), have no redeeming features but they're fun to watch, especially in their New-Wavey rock concert gear.  My favorite performer is Dinsdale Landen, who remains stiff-upper-lip as Commander Grenville Matteson, even when chaos breaks out around him, until he falls for (and serenades) the female alien.  Smith is "the fourth alien" and Jones is their manager.

This time Miriam Margolyes plays the fat little scientist the other scientists try to push through the air shaft; she would of course later become Harry Potter's Herbology teacher.  And Derek Deadman, who's Man in Car, would be the first Tom the Bartender at the Leaky Cauldron.  Peter Whitman, who's Friborg here, was a Yeshiva student in Yentl.  Space Pilot Robin Driscoll would be Actor in Agent's Office in Smith's The Tall Guy.

Any resemblance to Alannah Currie is purely coincidental.

The Purple Rose of Cairo

The Purple Rose of Cairo
March 1, 1985
Orion
Comedy, Drama, Romance, Historical, Fantasy
VHS
B

Although this is not at all a sequel to Zelig, and Broadway Danny Rose (which I've never cared for) was released in the interval, this is in some ways Woody Allen's follow-up to the quirky 1983 movie.  It's set later in the '30s (Top Hat, which we see a clip from, was released in '35), and the grimness of the Depression real world contrasts with the shiny, sleek onscreen world.  The main character, Cecelia (Mia Farrow), who loses her job at a diner and has a jerk of a husband (well played, perhaps too well, by Danny Aiello), escapes to that film world as often as she can.  And then one day one of the characters on the screen wants to explore her world, because he's fallen in love with her.  What will this mean in her life, and in the two-dimensional black & white lives he leaves behind?

Allen does a good job working out the ramifications, including when the real (but essentially fake) actor who plays the straying character shows up in Cecelia's town to get his alter ego back where he belongs.  (Jeff Daniels does a fine job of distinguishing naive but heroic Tom from charming but two-faced Gil.)  Unlike some other good '80s movies (notably Tootsie), there aren't any loose ends.  I admit to hating the ending when I was 17, especially since I adored the movie-within-a-movie (a note perfect parody/tribute to '30s society comedies).  I wanted Cecelia to stay with Tom Baxter, and live onscreen.  My favorite scene was and is when Cecelia enters Tom's world and innocently creates as much chaos as he's created in her world.  There's a night-life montage that I now suspect that Down with Love (2003), which is set in 1962, is paying homage to as much as it is to similar montages in non-parodies.  (There's a reference there to Woody Allen as a stand-up comic.)

But Allen's point, admittedly bleak, is that no matter how out of touch Cecelia is with reality, she can't fully live in the world of fantasy.  If this meant Cecelia doing something constructive with her life, then I'd support that point.  But let's face it, Woody doesn't give her any good options.  Even if she were to stay onscreen, the film is about to be burned and she would, along with Tom and his friends, "die."  (Unless there's resurrection later, on television and eventually VHS, DVD, and Blue-Ray?)  Gil the actor would never take her to Hollywood, and even if he did, she wouldn't fit in there.  So she's left with her unemployed husband, who drinks, cheats, and beats her.  At best, she might be able to stay with her sister (Stephanie Farrow again typecast but very good), but her sister has kids and probably not much more money than Cecelia.

The thing is, Allen could've had Cecelia boarding a bus to somewhere else, starting a new life on her own.  But that's not who she is, and she wouldn't necessarily find happiness that way either.  Her only happiness in the end is watching Fred & Ginger light up the screen.  That I wish that she could step into that movie and never look back shows that at heart I'm just as much of a sentimental movie fan as Cecelia.

As always, Woody reuses actors and actresses.  Loretta Tupper, who plays the Music Store Owner, is recognizable at 78 as one of the old ladies giving Alvy advice in Annie Hall.  Ken Chapin was an interviewer in Zelig and a reporter here.  Deborah Rush, Lita Fox in Zelig, gives a solid Jean-Harlowish performance as brassy but soft-hearted blonde Rita.  Sydney Blake, who's the Variety Reporter, would be Miss Gordon in Radio Days.  Of the Penny Pitchers, Peter Castellotti and Paul Herman would in Radio Days be respectively Mr. Davis and a burglar, while Rick Petrucelli was one of the Italians bugging Alvy in Annie Hall.  Of the onscreen movie audience, Crystal Field would be half of the Abercrombie couple in Radio Days and George Hamlin was Experimental Drugs Doctor in Zelig.  Helen Miller and Leo Postrel would be Mickey's parents in Hannah and Her Sisters.  And of course Dianne Wiest, playing Emma the hooker here, would be Hannah's sister Holly.

Milo O'Shea, who has had many roles, including as Dr. Jameson in Digby, is Father Donnelly here.

"I just met a wonderful new man.  He's fictional, but you can't have everything."

Johnny Dangerously

Johnny Dangerously
Dec. 21, 1984
Fox
Comedy, Historical, Action
VHS
B+

Although I think this was neglected by the critics at the time, thirty years later it has survived as one of the funniest movies of the '80s.  From its Weird Al theme song to its "crime pays a little" twist ending, it's a rollicking parody of '30s gangster movies with several stand-out performances.  Michael Keaton as the adjectively named title character is dead-on Cagney, with charm of his own.  (He's one of the sweetest gangsters in movie history.)  Maureen Stapleton as his mother (playing 29 in the early scenes, with no change in wardrobe or make-up, although she was then 59) is earthy and deadpan, while Griffin Dunne as his brother is noble and horny.  (Compare and contrast this to his Who's That Girl role three years later).  Joe Piscopo and Richard Dimitri are both very quotable as Johnny's rivals Danny Vermin ("Once!") and Roman Troy Moronie ("You fargin corksucker!").  Marilu Henner is of course sexy as Johnny's girl Lil, but she can also sing and do comedy.  She dresses as a nun in one scene, as she did that same year in Cannonball Run II (which I used to own).  Her Taxi costar Danny DeVito (who'd been in the sexy-women-dressing-as-nuns movie Going Ape! with their costar Tony Danza) appears as District Attorney Burr, who's run over by a malt liquor bull after hitting on Johnny, in one of many '80s references.  There are also '30s jokes of course, and even a slam on William Howard Taft.

Not every joke works, but even the ones that don't, like Dom DeLuise as the Pope, are done with such verve that I can't help smiling.  Much of the humor is sexual but the movie is too good-natured to be sleazy, even when it's tasteless.  If nothing else, you'll have a ball spotting all the cameos, like Dick Butkus as Arthur, Alan Hale, Jr. as the Desk Sergeant, and Ray Walston as the newstand vendor.

Cynthia Szigeti, who was a passenger in The Big Bus and Diner Doll Sophie in The Gong Show Movie, is Mrs. Capone here.  T-Shirt Vendor Jeffrey Weissman was Ringo Fan in I Wanna Hold Your Hand and Brainwashed Youth in Sgt. Pepper.  

Taylor Negron, who was Blond-Haired Man Auditioning in The Gong Show Movie, has another uncredited role here, as Delivery Man.  Helen Kelly seems to have had a lot of uncredited roles at that time, among them "Pod" Concert Viewer in Spinal Tap, Wife Visiting Prisoner here, and Woman at the Park in Girls Just Want to Have Fun.

This movie was directed by Amy Heckerling, then best known for Fast Times at Ridgemont High (which I don't own), and she would go on to direct and write Clueless (which I of course own).  Neal Israel, very briefly Hecklering's husband, as well as the director etc. of Americathon, plays Dr. Zillman in the  army-training film/Betty-Boop satire Your Testicles and You.

All of Me

All of Me
September 21, 1984
Universal
Comedy, Romance, Fantasy
DVD
B-

Although this movie, based on the book Me Two, which I haven't read, has the makings of a classic farce, most of the time it plays like an above average sitcom.  (Carl Reiner was the director, but this is not equivalent to what his son Rob was doing at the time.)  I really enjoyed the movie when I saw it on first release, so I made sure to buy the DVD for this project, but it didn't live up to my memories.  (Similar to Roxanne, which we'll get to later.)  Not that this movie isn't entertaining, but it only achieves magic at the end, when the characters played by Steve Martin and Lily Tomlin, who have fallen in love while sharing his body (her soul accidentally moving in next to his) and are now living separately but more together than ever, have a joyful, silly dance together, shown to us in a mirror, since that's the only way her spirit exists after her death.  I know I'm explaining this strangely, but it is an odd movie, despite its use of cliches.  Not only is there a farce trapped inside a sitcom, but there's also a missed chance to explode rather than embrace gender (and racial) stereotypes.  (Tootsie this isn't.)  No one breaks free but it's an interesting struggle.

This time Eric Christmas (by then 68) plays Fred Hoskins.  Neil Elliot, who's the cabbie here, was "Neil" in Doctor, You've Got to Be Kidding!  Hardhat Nicholas Shields was Gorilla in Elevator in Thank God It's Friday.  Gailard Sartain, who's Fulton Norris here, was B. B. Muldoon in Roadie.  Dana Elcar, who plays Martin's boss, was Maxwell Smart's boss in The Nude Bomb.  Richard Libertini, who plays Prahka Lasa, was Geezil in Popeye.

Minister David Byrd would be Dr. Hugo Bronfenbrenner in The Hudsucker Proxy.  Victoria Tennant, who plays the duplicitous Terry Hoskins, met Martin on the set and they were married for a few years.

Meatballs Part II

Meatballs Part II
July 27, 1984
TriStar Pictures
Comedy, Sci-Fi
VHS
C-

What can I say?  I saw this on an early date with my then-new-boyfriend-and-future-ex-husband.  We were 16 and 17 and we knew the movie was crap, but the alien plotline was sort of funny.  (There's also a Belmont Steaks pun that I got this time.)  This is only vaguely a sequel to the Bill Murray movie of five years earlier, although it is about two rival camps and their leaders: Richard Mulligan as Coach Giddy of Camp Sasquatch, and the aptly named Hamilton Camp, who has probably his biggest role in my movies, as Col. Bat Jack Hershey of Camp Patton.  The movie is only very marginally recommended if a) you want a better sense of what Wet Hot American Summer (2001) would go on to parody (the song played over both opening and closing credits manages to cram in every "summer" cliche it can), and/or b) you want to see the random cast.

Nine years and a Hello, Larry after Escape to Witch Mountain, 19-year-old Kim Richards does what she can with the role of virginal Cheryl, who has a Little Darlings lite plot of having to see a "pinky" by the end of the summer.  Rising slightly above the material are 36-year-old John Larroquette, right before he became a star on Night Court, and 31-year-old Paul Reubens, a year before Pee-Wee's Big Adventure (which I've seen but don't own), playing respectively a very stereotypical homosexual and a geek like you've never quite seen before.

This movie is sort of a reunion for Scavenger Hunters Mulligan and David Hollander, who was 14 at this point but lumped in with 12-year-old Jason Hervey and 10-year-old Scott Nemes, later of The Wonder Years and It's Garry Shandling's Show respectively.

Archie Hahn plays both horny counselor Jamie and the voice of Meathead the Alien.  Felix Silla (best known as Cousin Itt, but also appearing in Pufnstuf among other things) is the one in the alien costume.  Vic Dunlop tries to convince us he's a French chef; he was Ralph in Lunch Wagon.  Donald Gibb, who plays Mad Dog, would be Wolfman in Transylvania 6-5000.  Thirty-one-year-old Elayne Boosler, who's thanked in the credits, definitely does not look old enough to be playing the mother of a teenager, but she does have some almost-funny lines.

The Friday the 13th reference made by the Jive-Talking Black Girl Tula Washington (played by an actress who has absolutely no other credits) is an in-joke, as co-writers Martin Kitrosser and Carol Watson also did a couple movies in that series.

Don't let the poster fool you.

This Is Spinal Tap

This Is Spinal Tap
March 2, 1984
Embassy Pictures
Comedy, Musical
DVD
B+

This mockumentary/rockumentary is primarily the work of four men: director Rob Reiner, and bandmates Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, and Harry Shearer.  That's not to say that others didn't contribute (the guest cast, not all of whom I mention later, are all solid), but that is the team who is mostly responsible for the humor and poignancy.  The movie holds up very well after thirty years; in fact, it's probably a bit funnier now because Heavy Metal, and the '80s in general, are funnier at a distance.  The movie is full of quotes you've heard (e.g. "It goes up to eleven"), but it still feels fresh.  The music, especially the '60s tunes, is actually quite good, even with silly lyrics.

What struck me most this time was the strained but never fully broken friendship between the McKean and Guest characters.  Shearer comes close to stealing his scenes, but he's mostly there as a balance, the "lukewarm" between their "fire and ice."  And Reiner does well as both directors, real and film-within-film.  If TIST is not quite in the upper tier of my movies, it may be that it shares a fault with another mockumentary, Zelig, in keeping the viewer at a distance.  Also, the "girlfriend ruining the group" motif is a little too much like Yoko-hate, even if she's blonde and British rather than Asian.  Still, definitely worth repeat viewings, and the in-character DVD commentary is brilliant.

Perhaps not coincidentally, some folks who were in Americathon appear here: Zane Buzby as Rolling Stone Reporter, Howard Hesseman as Terry Ladd, and Fred Willard as Colonel on Military Base.

Charles Levin, the Disc 'n' Dat Manager, was Alvy's stage counterpart in Annie Hall.  Robin Menken, who was Maddy in Thank God It's Friday, is Angelo's assistant here.  Blackie Lawless, who's Commercial Headbanger here, stood out more as Metal Guy with Leash at Audition in Can't Stop the Music.  Archie Hahn, who plays the queeny Room Service Guy, would shortly have a dual role in Meatballs Part II.  

Billy Crystal, who worked with Guest on Saturday Night Live, has a small role as Morty the Mime.  Another SNLer (although then future), 28-year-old Dana Carvey, is a mime waiter.  And, yes, that's a 34-year-old Ed Begley, Jr. as the first of many Tap drummers.

Despite themselves, they are actually sexy as well as sexist.

Yentl

Yentl
January 6, 1984
United Artists
Comedy, Drama, Musical, Historical, Romance
DVD
B

This has obvious similarities to Zelig.  Not only were they released close together, but both titles are from the end of the alphabet.  (There's even a minor character here, the tailor's assistant, who's named Zelig.)  Both producers/writers/directors/stars (born six years apart and becoming famous at roughly the same time) explore identity, including Jewish identity, although Yentl is definitely more of a "Jewish" film in theme and setting.

The movie also has things in common with Tootsie.  Besides the cross-dressing plot and the resulting tangled romances, both movies star performers who are known for being difficult, and they parody themselves a bit.  More so in Tootsie, but the pushy, argumentative, talkative Barbra shows through in Yentl, or rather in her male alter ego Anshel.

As in Tootsie, the tangled romances don't untangle quite satisfactorily, more so here than in Tootsie.  When I saw this movie at 15, it was almost painful to watch, because I was attracted to both Barbra and Amy Irving,  (Not so much Mandy Patinkin, although he is cute, and he can definitely play a near-nude scene.)  When beautiful Amy Irving tried to kiss her "husband," that was both titillating and embarrassing for me as a closeted bisexual adolescent.  The friendship between Anshel and "his wife" Hadass moves from slumber-party to a not-quite-sisterhood, and Yentl recognizes she loves this other woman, although not romantically or sexually.

There's no good way to resolve the triangle, not in that time and place, however much I want the married couple to move to a new town, with Avigdor as their "roommate."  And Yentl recognizes that Avigdor will never fully accept the Anshel side of her.  In a way, it's right that he go back to a newly assertive (but still feminine) Hadass.  The problem is, because the story focuses on Yentl, we're left to fill in a lot of gaps, wondering how Avigdor told Hadass (Yentl writes her a note, but surely that's not enough), and how she reacted, and how Avigdor and Hadass were able to defy her parents.

It's a good movie: warm, sweet, funny, sad, with Barbra's lovely voice providing her own Greek chorus through songs that vary greatly in mood.  The film is definitely worth seeing despite the resolution.  It's based on "Yentl, the Yeshiva Boy" by Isaac Bashevis Singer, who hated the movie, particularly that Yentl sails to America.  But I accept that part because it's pure Barbra.  I just wish the script had given more thought to Hadass.

Nehemiah Persoff, who plays Yentl's wise, sweet papa, is almost unrecognizable a quarter century after his role as Little Bonaparte in Some Like It Hot.  Bernard Spear, who plays the tailor, was the second spy in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Peter Whitman, a yeshiva student here, would be Friborg in Morons from Outer Space.  Miriam Margolyes, who's Sarah here, would be Dr. Wallace there, although she may be best known as Professor Sprout in a couple of the Harry Potter movies.  Norma Atallah, who plays Debra here, would be Irini in Mamma Mia!  

Unspoken

Zelig

Zelig
July 15, 1983
Orion
Comedy, Historical, Romance
VHS
B+

As with Annie Hall, I saw this at the time.  But I was 15 by then and visiting New York for the first and only time.  My aunt, cousin, and I knew only (I think from The Village Voice) that a new Woody Allen movie was premiering that night, but we stood on line and had such a good time that we stayed for the second showing.  (I'm surprised we weren't kicked out, but I think theaters weren't as strict back then.)  Even now, I remember lines that were hilarious then and still funny now, like "She's elderly and uses her wrist a lot" and "It was nothing like the movie."

This mockumentary (released a few months before This Is Spinal Tap) is about the influence of the media on society and vice versa.  Not only do we get this documentary on the life of fictional but almost believable Leonard Zelig, "the human chameleon," but the documentary contains faked newsreel footage and scenes from the imaginary 1935 biopic, as well as radio broadcasts, newspaper editorials, toys and games, and wonderful songs.  (The best of the lot is probably "Chameleon Days," sung by the one and only Mae Questel, the voice of Betty Boop, who lived another 15 years, dying at almost 90.)   There are also modern-day interviews with people who knew or at least met Zelig, my favorite being Ellen Garrison as the older Dr. Eudora Fletcher.  The young Dr. Fletcher, who cures him and loves him, is played by Woody's then girlfriend, Mia Farrow.  She's quite good here and they're sweet together.  You just have to block out what happened to them later in life, although that's hard when Leonard gets caught up in many scandals, including marital ones.

When I said Annie Hall was probably my favorite Woody Allen movie, I wasn't completely wrong, although I'm giving this a B+ as well.  This is technically a better movie-- and all the more impressive for being pre-Forest-Gump among others.  But by its very nature, this film keeps us at a distance.  Even when the illusion is almost shattered, as in the interview of Dr. Fletcher's mother where the old lady says all the wrong things but the interview is released anyway, we're never not aware this is a movie, while we're practically in bed with Alvy and Annie.  In fact, it takes awhile to even hear Zelig's voice here, while Alvy talks to us right away.  Instead, our main contact is the earnest British narrator, who pronounces "Anti-Semite" with a long E.  (Even in '83, I wasn't sure if this was deliberate.)  All these layers of film (in several senses) make for a very interesting movie, but the movies I love don't hold me at arm's length.

The archive footage has many, many recognizable faces, among them, Adolphe Menjou more than forty years after he appeared in Turnabout, and Dolores del Rio half a century after starring in Flying Down to Rio.

Although this doesn't have nearly as many performers who went on to greater things as Jeff Goldblum et al in Annie Hall, there are some folks that Woody Allen would use again later in the '80s.  Wendell Craig, who's the Universal Newsreel Announcer, would go on to be a radio voice in Woody's Radio Days, while Hearst Metronome Announcer Dwight Weist would be the Pearl Harbor Announcer in the later film.  Dimitri Vassilopoulos, who's Martinez here, would be Perfirio in Radio D, despite his Greek-sounding name.  Paula Trueman, who was a street stranger in Annie Hall, is Woman on Telephone here, and she was Stick-up Lady in Can't Stop the Music during that gap.  John Doumanian was a semi-regular in Woody's movies, appearing as Coke Fiend in Annie Hall, a Greek waiter here, and a Thanksgiving guest in Hannah and Her Sisters, among other appearances.  Ken Chapin is On-Camera Interviewer here and would be a reporter in The Purple Rose of Cairo.   Peter McRobbie, the Workers Rally Speaker, aptly plays The Communist in that movie.  George Hamlin is Experimental Drugs Doctor here and would be part of the movie audience there.

Deborah Rush has more prominent, although still minor roles, as Lita Fox here and Rita in Purple Rose.  John Rothman, who has the supporting role of Paul Deghuee, would be Mr. Hirsch's lawyer in Purple Rose.  And Mia's younger sister Stephanie not only plays her sister Meryl here, but they would have some other nice sisterly moments in Purple Rose.

Keeping cool with Coolidge

Tootsie

Tootsie
December 17, 1982
Columbia
Comedy, Romance
DVD
B+

Late in the movie, Jessica Lange's Julie tells one of Dustin Hoffman's characters, "I love you but I can't love you."  I think that sums up how I feel about this movie.  I've treasured it since I first saw it at 14, but I don't think it holds up quite as well as Nine to Five does.  Ironically, this is because it's a farce that plays out realistically, while 9to5 is a farce that is inspired by real-life issues but exaggerated on a grand scale.  9to5 ends just as it should, with every character getting what he or she deserves; while Tootsie's ending abandons characters we've grown to care about.

Like 9to5, this was a huge hit and remains a "comedy classic."  But just in case you don't know or have forgotten the situation, here we go:  Forty-five-year-old Dustin Hoffman plays Michael Dorsey, an actor who doesn't have Hoffman's success but does have Hoffman's pain-in-the-ass-ness.  His agent George Fields, played by the film's director Sydney Pollack, tells him no one will hire him.  So out of a desperation that's somewhere between Joe & Jerry running from the mob in Some Like It Hot and Kip & Henry needing an apartment in the early '80s sitcom Bosom Buddies, Michael passes himself off as Dorothy Michaels, a sweet but tough Southerner, in order to get a role on a soap opera.  He succeeds but, yes, complications ensue.  Some of these are romantic, with Michael bedding his long-time friend Sandy (Teri Garr) but falling for Julie, meanwhile attracting the attentions of the lecherous male lead on the soap (George Gaynes) and of Julie's old-fashioned but good-hearted father Les (Charles Durning).  Julie is involved with the soap's director Ron, whom, since he's played by Dabney Coleman, we know is going to be, as Dorothy puts it, "a macho shithead."  Roommate Jeff (Bill Murray) is the only one besides George who's in on Michael's secret.  When everything is a mess, including that Dorothy's contract is going to be extended, Michael decides to reveal his gender, on national television!  (No, it doesn't get explicit, it's enough for him to take off his wig.)  This doesn't exactly improve any of the situations, so he has to deal with the fall-out.

I have to say, the cast is wonderful:

• Hoffman shines in all four roles (Michael, Dorothy, her soap character Emily, and briefly Emily's brother Edward).  Dorothy in particular is a memorable, likable, and even believable character.  We agree with Julie at the end when she says she misses Dorothy.
• Jessica Lange got an Oscar for this movie, as a consolation prize for not winning the Lead Actress in Frances.  She's one of the few characters who's not there for humor, instead bringing sweetness and wistfulness to the part.
• Teri Garr was also nominated for Supporting Actress, with more grounds.  She manages to pull off the insecure role without getting annoying.  (It's not unlike Diane Keaton's Annie Hall, although we never get to see her come into her own, as Annie does.)
• Bill Murray is a scene-stealer with his partially improvised role.  Whether he's doing one-liners about his roommate's drag or pontificating on the meaning of The Theatre, he's great!
• Sydney Pollack is spot on as the agent, with so many good lines, the popular "a tomato doesn't have logic" one possibly the best.  In a different way than Murray, he provides a crazy New-York-y kind of sanity to contrast with Michael's dead-serious outrageousness.
• The supporting cast are solid, with Coleman playing Ron as more intelligent and less crude than Mr. Hart but still "sexist, egotistical, lying, and hypocritical" (although not bigoted per se).  Special praise goes to 26-year-old Geena Davis as April, making her debut in what was just supposed to be a role for a tall actress whose "tits" would line up with Hoffman's eyes, but she adds what would later be recognizable as a Geena Davis specialty, that wide-eyed quirkiness.

The two Stephen Bishop songs, the droll title tune and the love song "It Might Be You," are both used twice, which might be a bit much but they work all those times and add to the moods of their respective scenes.  The costumes are less memorable than you'd expect, except for some of the garb Dorothy wears during the photo-shoot montage.  The sets are workman-like, not really calling attention to themselves, except when the walls of "Emily's party scene" match her dress.

The main weakness is the script, which I realize sounds funny because in some ways this is one of the best comedy scripts ever.  But it's that darn ending.  And I'm going to try to distinguish between what is my Teri Garr bias, and related Michael/Sandy shipping over Michael/Julie shipping, vs. the need for a full resolution.  I don't have anything against Jessica Lange, and she is lovely here, and I totally believe that Michael would fall for her.  However, I'm more drawn to the Teri Garr type (personality and looks), and the truth is we see her with Michael, including the before & after of their bedding, while with Michael and Julie we only see him "being a better man with her as a woman" etc.  Michael doesn't have to end up with Sandy, but we don't see him making amends to her, as we do with Les, whom he has hurt and betrayed much less (no pun intended).

Michael tells his agent, "These are good people," meaning he doesn't like deceiving them, but Julie and Les aren't the only people he's hurt.  There's no real closure to the Sandy thread, other than she decides to go ahead and do Jeff's play with Michael, as planned.  And after his classic "That is one nutty hospital" line, Jeff disappears from the movie, too.  I like the scene of Michael pushing over the mime, and I do like his scenes with Les and Julie, but the fact is the movie feels incomplete.  If it hadn't made me invested in the characters, I wouldn't feel so let down.  Even with Julie, I can only accept her forgiving him because one, she and Dorothy really did become best friends, and two, we know she's used to making bad choices about men.  Let's hope that this time she will, as Jerry told Sugar Kane, get the sweet end of the lollipop.

Richard Whiting, who plays a priest here, would be "Other Doctor" in Zelig the next year.  Anne Shropshire, who plays the scary nanny Mrs. Crawley, would be " ' A Certain Age' Cast Member" in The First Wives Club.  Elaine May did then uncredited work on the script (including giving Michael a sounding-board roomie) and would reunite with Hoffman later in the '80s for the infamous Ishtar.

Heidi's Song

Heidi's Song
November 19, 1982
Hanna-Barbera
Children's, Comedy, Drama, Musical
VHS
C+

This came out almost a decade after H-B's version of Charlotte's Web, but, although it has some things in common, including some voice talents, it's nowhere near that level of quality.  In fact, I'd say it's closer as an animated adaptation of a children's classic to Pinocchio in Outer Space.  The songs are weak, sometimes poorly sung (Heidi's songs are all off-key), and sometimes with laughable lyrics, most notably in "That's What Friends Are For," which offers the dubious message that jumping in the water to save a drowning friend when you can't swim is admirable.  (It doesn't work symbolically either.)  There's also a lot of pointless, unfunny slapstick.

On the plus side, I like the look of the film for the most part, the scenery especially, both the mountain and the town.  The animals, other than the deliberately ugly rats and dogs, are cute.  Lorne Greene as Grandfather and Sammy Davis, Jr. as Head Ratte [sic] are a bit over the top but add to the fun.  There are also two '60sish psychedelic sequences, one with Sammy of course, and the other with Heidi dreaming of mountain spirits.  (It's worth noting that Robert Taylor was also writer-director for The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat.)  The movie isn't overly faithful to the book but it's not way off either.

Pamelyn Ferdin, by then 23, sounds much the same as Klara as she did as Fern in CWeb.  Joan Gerber, who does the voice for Fraulein Rottenmeier, was a Hanna-Barbera mainstay, and she provided voices for both Mrs. Zuckerman and Mrs. Fussy in CWeb.  Berlin-born Fritz Feld, who does a very Von-Stroheim characterization of Sebastian, has credits going back to 1917, and in fact was Jardinet in At the Circus, as well as Mr. Jackman in Freaky Friday.   Frank Welker, who voices both Hootie the Owl and Schnoodle the Dog, was the narrator in Zorro: The Gay Blade.  (He's still very busy as a voice actor.)

Sue Allen was a chorus girl in Singin' in the Rain, while Loulie Jean Norman was a singer in The Band Wagon.  Other chorus members-- John Richard Bolks, Ida Sue McCune, Gene Merlino, Paul Sandberg, and Robert Tebow-- sang in CWeb.

Heidi is trippin', Man!

Everything's better with kittens!

The Pirate Movie

The Pirate Movie
August 6, 1982
Fox
Comedy, Musical, Romance, Historical
DVD
B

Released the same summer as Grease 2 and resembling it in some ways, this was aimed at teens, but I at 14 was mostly oblivious to both movies at the time, instead discovering them in heavily edited versions on TV a few years later.  I do remember remarking to my then-boyfriend in '86 that this movie was already dated, and no, not just because it's set in the 1800s.

As with G2, the two main themes are time and sex.  Like the Gilbert & Sullivan play which this is very loosely based on, this film is set in 1877, when pirate apprentice Frederic-without-a-K (21-year-old Christopher Atkins) is 21 but as a leap-day baby has had only five birthdays.  Mabel-also-without-a-K (19-year-old Kristy McNichol), however, declares, in what is probably the worst piece of dialogue in the movie "Frederic, these are the 1880s. You can't live your life by the outmoded conventions of a neo-imperialist society. Find your true center!"  To which he replies, "What?  You mean Zen piracy?"  The movie, which turns out to be Mabel's dream, mostly covers two days, although, as in Sgt. Pepper, there are flashbacks and forwards to things that never happen.  (This includes the butler, the only character who's not chewing scenery, emerging from a pond bearing these awesome-looking blue drinks that are in another scene as well.)

There's a series of flashforwards when F & M see each other on a beach and immediately sing a duet about first love.  (The movie is apparently influenced by not only Wizard of Oz and a dozen movies that are referenced throughout, including the then year-old Raiders of the Lost Ark, but also The Tempest.)  They then share a French kiss and we get this sparkling romantic exchange:
M: Do you live around here?
F: I've never really lived till now....Look, I know this is going to sound silly, but I think I love you. I think might even want to marry you.
M:  God, that was a short love scene!

G2 definitely has the more memorable music (more about that later), but PM  definitely has the worse dialogue.  At one point, Mabel's father, the Modern Major-General, demands to know what's going on, since pirates have invaded his lovely Penzance estate.  The Pirate King (executive producer Ted Hamilton) says, "Two words: it's a beach party.  And I'm Frankie Avalon."  His black sidekick Samuel* (Chuck McKinney) holds up his hands as mouse-ears and says, "And I'm Annette Funicello."

This "two-word" explanation sort of explains the movie, in that, just like in the Frankie & Annette Beach Party series, there's a lot of fourth-wall-breaking and there's an obsession with sex, although almost no one gets laid.  (The exception is below.)  The sexual references are mostly in dialogue, rather than song (unlike in G2), although some of the updated lyrics to the G & S songs are surprisingly raunchy and there is one song, well, I'll get to that.

The thing is, I can't believe I'm saying this, but the attitude towards sex in G2 is relatively healthy compared to what we get here.  If Mabel got this dream analyzed, her therapist would discover that she finds rape and castration (or at least threats to male crotches) hilarious.  Starting with the accidental changing of a Chinese pirate captain from "Irish tenor" to "soprano," and continuing on to Mabel kneeing Frederic in the groin when he thinks she's going to kiss him, with her cheerfully telling the audience, "War is hell," there's enough of this sort of humor to please a '90s America's Funniest Home Videos audience.  As for the "rape humor," that starts (in the "real-life" sort of first scene) when the guy-who-may-or-may-not-be-named-Frederic tells the crowd that "less than 100 years ago" pirates used to "rape and pillage," which makes Mabel remark, "God, I'd hate to be pillaged!"  And there are more jokes like that.  Also, there's a lot of "gay" humor, mostly involving the pirates, two of whom Mabel pairs up when she's marrying off her sisters.  (Gay weddings were still mostly unimaginable, although I did go to a lesbian wedding in the '70s.)

There is off-screen sex between the blindfolded Pirate King, who thinks he's with Mabel, and Ruth the Nurse.  Freddy's nurse from his childhood, except she hits on him.  (This happens in the stageplay, too, though.)  It never ceases to amaze me that this movie is fondly remembered by people who were little kids (mostly girls) who used to watch it on cable in the years following its release and failure.

Oh, yes, this was a box office bomb, just like G2.  I think the 1980s soft-rock ballads have aged surprisingly well, but that doesn't make this a good musical.  Not with something like "Pumpin' & Blowin'" in it.  (I can't really do justice to that song quickly, but in a few words: double entendres, badly animated fish with legs.)  The choreography generally doesn't reach Patricia-Birching, although the MMG number and the two bouts of "Happy Ending" are shockingly amateur.  Yes, there are multiple endings, and multiple beginnings.  Hell, the movie starts with an old pirate movie clip playing on a VCR, with the words "The End" appearing on the screen before we cut to present day.

I can't believe I've gotten this far without saying what a terrible actor Christopher Atkins is, but he's dreadful.  My ex and I used to call one scene the "yulg-yug scene," because he conveys his consternation by saying something like, "Yulg!  Yug!  THEY'RE ANCHORING OUTSIDE THE COVE!!!"  Even when he's not overplaying, he never is in the slightest convincing as a pirate or an actor.  (He is OK as a teen idol though, wearing his Blue Lagoon loincloth for several scenes.)  McNichol is far from her Little Darlings level, but she's not bad here, if a bit too smirky at times.  In their matching blond perms, they're cute together, and let's face it, the romance isn't that convincing in the original play, nor meant to be.  Surprisingly, McNichol has a nice daughter-father scene with Bill Kerr, who died just a month ago, at 92, but mostly the movie plays at the level of farce.  I no longer find it as equally entertaining as G2 but they would make a hell of a double feature!  (Or a double feature in Hell.)

Ken Annakin's rambling 2005 DVD commentary adds little information to the movie and in fact was chosen as a "commentary track of the damned": http://www.avclub.com/article/the-pirate-movie-22325.  He had been directing since the '40s and would do The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking six years after this.


*I go back and forth on whether the Samuel character is the best thing about the movie or an embarrassment.  Maybe both.  Anyway, kudos to McKinney for giving his all to lines like "Hang five, honkey!" and "Avon calling."

"You're gonna have to swallow something more than water, it's your pride."

Grease 2

Grease 2
June 11, 1982
Paramount
Musical, Comedy, Historical, Romance
DVD
B+

Although I used to watch this movie regularly, it'd been a long time since my last viewing, and I'd forgotten how dizzyingly bad it gets at some points, particularly during the musical numbers.  I believe it's roughly equivalent as a so-bad-it's-good movie to Stigwood's Sgt. Pepper, although the feel of it is as different as, well, 1982 was from '78.

We need to start with a discussion of time, because time is one of the themes of the movie and yet it is handled so poorly.  The movie begins in the Fall of '61 and yet seems to end (if the talent show is any indication) in the Summer of '61.  JFK is President, as we're frequently reminded.  And yet there's been very little effort made to capture the look of the time.  Maureen Teefy of Scavenger Hunt, 28 at this point, plays high-strung Sharon, who claims she's got a Jackie Kennedy look, but she's simply been given a pillbox hat and she has no sign of a bouffant.  Twenty-nine-year-old Lorna Luft, as Paulette, is more plausibly modeled on Marilyn Monroe, which may be why the movie is afraid to go forward to the Summer of '62.  The main female character is Stephanie, played by 24-year-old Michelle Pfeiffer, and she looks pure early '80s, from her hair to her makeup to her wardrobe.  The men, including almost-age-appropriate 22-year-old Maxwell Caulfield as Michael Carrington (not to be confused with Sextette's Michael Barrington), fare a bit better, although they're arguably more '50s than '60s.

One of the musical numbers is "Girl for All Seasons."  We first see the "Fall" portion performed, because Paulette (who's a June bride) is always late, so the group (the Pink Ladies and assorted other girls) have to start in the middle.  Then we get "Winter" in another scene.  And then in the end, it's Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter, in that order, but this last part is interrupted by Stephanie's "(Love Will) Turn Back the Hands of Time," which she seems to be singing both in her head, where she's mourning a supposedly D-E-D dead Michael, and onstage to a baffled but appreciative audience.  I think that's the answer: love turns back, forward, and sideways the hands of time in this movie, so that there are crazy continuity "errors" and things like a break-up that takes an entire school year.

Profound, eh?  Well, this also a completely idiotic movie that will have your jaw dropping more than once.  The dialogue is inane and remarkably unrealistic.  In Grease, it was often stupid but plausible.  The same is true of the situations.  G1 achieved some poignancy with Rizzo's pregnancy scare, even if the situation was resolved simply, but here a similar situation is just a throw-away joke, as a nameless girl confides in Eve Arden's Principal McGee that she's missed two periods.  McGee replies that the girl can make them up later.  Ba-dump-bump!

There's no moment in this movie that feels like real life.  But that makes it all the more enjoyable.  Things go completely off the rails during the musical numbers, notably the show-stoppers "Back to School Again," "Score Tonight" (a single-entendre bowling tribute, with nuns!), "Reproduction," and of course the timeless "Rock-a-Hula Luau."  Even the less-crowded numbers, like the so-wrong-but-amazing "Do It For Our Country" and the rancid "Prowling" (sung three times by the T-Bones, sorry, T-Birds) are unbelievable.  The lyrics often have forced rhymes ("motorcycle"/"Michael" and "enigma"/"stigma" stand out) and the choreography, by director/choreographer Patricia Birch, is literally all over the place.

Didi Conn (by then 30 and part of the Benson TV cast) returns as Frenchy, allegedly one of Stephanie's best friends but spending very little time with the current Pink Ladies.  She's mostly there as a confidante for Michael, who (although British) is Australian Sandy's cousin.  Other Grease vets collecting paychecks are the comedy team of Arden (in her last film) and Dody Goodman, the always welcome Eddie Deezen as Eugene (still at Rydell? well, if Frenchy can be...), Sid Caesar as Coach Calhoun, and Dick Patterson as mentally broken down Mr. Spears (Mr. Rudie before).  Dennis Stewart this time is called Balmudo, but it's the same pimply rival gang-leader character.  (Leo Balmudo?)  Newbie teachers are Connie Stevens, still lovely at 43, and equally well preserved 50-year-old Tab Hunter.  I mean, not only do they look good for their ages, but they look like they did twenty years earlier.

The USC Trojan Marching Band, who were also in The Gong Show Movie, show us why, in Arden's words, it's better to play with a group than with yourself.

Other than the Stigwood stalwarts (listed under G1), the supporting cast is probably most notable for '80s television.  Travolta wannabe Adrian Zmed, 28 then, would later be best known for T.J. Hooker, although I like him on Bosom Buddies in a guest shot as Tom Hanks's old buddy turned rock star.  The Sagal twins, Jean and Liz, would get a sitcom called Double Trouble a couple years later.  (They're the younger sisters of Married with Children's Katey.)  And Tom Villard, who is the guy pretending to vomit during the "Reproduction" scene, shortly went on to the infamously bad We Got It Made sitcom, and came out as gay before dying of AIDS-related pneumonia.

Pamela Segall, then 15 but looking 12 or 13, plays Dolores, Paulette's little sister, presumably a freshman.  She would become a popular voice actress under her married name of Pamela Adlon, but I'll always remember her for this scene-stealing part and her title role in Something Special (AKA Willy/Milly).

Ken Finkleman would go on to write Madonna's Who's That Girl.  Patricia Birch not surprisingly did not go on to direct anything else.