Back to the Beach

Back to the Beach
August 7, 1987
Paramount
Comedy, Musical
VHS
B-

I have a soft spot for this then-modern-day follow-up to the Beach Party series but I will admit that it can't sustain the wonderful pre-title sequence.  It's never boring, but some of the jokes are a bit clunky and the energy feels off much of the time.  It's certainly one of the most amiable B-s I own and I would recommend it, but let me talk about some of the issues I have with it.

Number one is that at this point, more years have passed since BttB was released than there had been in the gap between this and How to Stuff a Wild Bikini, and the '80sness has definitely not aged well.  You wouldn't think buxom young blondes could look bad, but see a number of them in the most horrendous of late '80s neon/fluorescent colors and you'll be wishing that Annette's fondness for polka dots had become a trend.  The modern and modernized-'60s music generally does not work, although Annette's revamped "Jamaican Ska" understandably enchants the entire beach.

Number two is the misguided nostalgia.  Now, I know you're saying, Wait, this is a movie starring Frankie and Annette as Frankie and Annette.  But that's kind of the problem.  Frankie was "Frankie" but he was never "The Big Kahuna."  And Annette, as any real Beach Party fan knows, was "Dee Dee" (short for "Dolores").  As welcome as Connie Stevens is (like F & A she looks great in this), she was never part of the series, so setting her up as both Annette's rival and future in-law seems wrong.  I realize this movie was marketed at the mainstream (and did quite well commercially and critically as I recall), but it would've been nice to bring in Deborah Walley, John Ashley, and some more of the gang (Mike Nader! Donna Loren!), rather than make us grateful for "Dick Dale and at least two of the Del-Tones."  (Two of Frankie's real-life sons are part of the band, a nice touch.)

Expanding on point number two, the movie has an odd assortment of mostly television cameos, and not ones from The Mickey Mouse Club.  June, Wally, and Beaver Cleaver show up (with a little Siskel & Ebert parody that I presume Gene & Roger liked, since they gave two thumbs up), and I'll admit it's good to see Gilligan and the Skipper (Bob Denver has some of the best lines in the film), and Don Adams is kinda sorta Maxwell-Smart, but what does this have to do with the original low-budget movie series?  O.J. Simpson (in a gag that probably no one under thirty will get now without Googling) and Peewee Herman have even more random cameos.

There are a whole bunch of characters who aren't given much to do (including F & A's daughter), yet we're supposed to care when some girl (I think her name was Robin) who can't swim might have to face the leader of the rival surfer gang.  It's like a lot got lost in the editing, or among the drafts of the no less than six writers.  (Does this, dare I say it, need a director's cut?)

But Frankie & Annette are themselves as delightful as ever, good-naturedly parodying themselves and having fun with the usually deliberately hokey script.  Demian Slade as their 12-year-old son has most of the great lines that Bob Denver doesn't have.  I think they should've had him continue to narrate throughout the film, because, unlike Woody Allen in Radio Days, he adds a whole other great layer to the proceedings.  Overall, I'd put this on a level with the average Beach Party movie, which is impressive considering how different it is and how much time had passed.  I wish it was more than it is, but what it is is good summer fun, even in the winter.

Note, Connie's beach date, Scott L. Treger, was a basketball player in Soul Man.

Grease 2

Grease 2
June 11, 1982
Paramount
Musical, Comedy, Historical, Romance
DVD
B+

Although I used to watch this movie regularly, it'd been a long time since my last viewing, and I'd forgotten how dizzyingly bad it gets at some points, particularly during the musical numbers.  I believe it's roughly equivalent as a so-bad-it's-good movie to Stigwood's Sgt. Pepper, although the feel of it is as different as, well, 1982 was from '78.

We need to start with a discussion of time, because time is one of the themes of the movie and yet it is handled so poorly.  The movie begins in the Fall of '61 and yet seems to end (if the talent show is any indication) in the Summer of '61.  JFK is President, as we're frequently reminded.  And yet there's been very little effort made to capture the look of the time.  Maureen Teefy of Scavenger Hunt, 28 at this point, plays high-strung Sharon, who claims she's got a Jackie Kennedy look, but she's simply been given a pillbox hat and she has no sign of a bouffant.  Twenty-nine-year-old Lorna Luft, as Paulette, is more plausibly modeled on Marilyn Monroe, which may be why the movie is afraid to go forward to the Summer of '62.  The main female character is Stephanie, played by 24-year-old Michelle Pfeiffer, and she looks pure early '80s, from her hair to her makeup to her wardrobe.  The men, including almost-age-appropriate 22-year-old Maxwell Caulfield as Michael Carrington (not to be confused with Sextette's Michael Barrington), fare a bit better, although they're arguably more '50s than '60s.

One of the musical numbers is "Girl for All Seasons."  We first see the "Fall" portion performed, because Paulette (who's a June bride) is always late, so the group (the Pink Ladies and assorted other girls) have to start in the middle.  Then we get "Winter" in another scene.  And then in the end, it's Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter, in that order, but this last part is interrupted by Stephanie's "(Love Will) Turn Back the Hands of Time," which she seems to be singing both in her head, where she's mourning a supposedly D-E-D dead Michael, and onstage to a baffled but appreciative audience.  I think that's the answer: love turns back, forward, and sideways the hands of time in this movie, so that there are crazy continuity "errors" and things like a break-up that takes an entire school year.

Profound, eh?  Well, this also a completely idiotic movie that will have your jaw dropping more than once.  The dialogue is inane and remarkably unrealistic.  In Grease, it was often stupid but plausible.  The same is true of the situations.  G1 achieved some poignancy with Rizzo's pregnancy scare, even if the situation was resolved simply, but here a similar situation is just a throw-away joke, as a nameless girl confides in Eve Arden's Principal McGee that she's missed two periods.  McGee replies that the girl can make them up later.  Ba-dump-bump!

There's no moment in this movie that feels like real life.  But that makes it all the more enjoyable.  Things go completely off the rails during the musical numbers, notably the show-stoppers "Back to School Again," "Score Tonight" (a single-entendre bowling tribute, with nuns!), "Reproduction," and of course the timeless "Rock-a-Hula Luau."  Even the less-crowded numbers, like the so-wrong-but-amazing "Do It For Our Country" and the rancid "Prowling" (sung three times by the T-Bones, sorry, T-Birds) are unbelievable.  The lyrics often have forced rhymes ("motorcycle"/"Michael" and "enigma"/"stigma" stand out) and the choreography, by director/choreographer Patricia Birch, is literally all over the place.

Didi Conn (by then 30 and part of the Benson TV cast) returns as Frenchy, allegedly one of Stephanie's best friends but spending very little time with the current Pink Ladies.  She's mostly there as a confidante for Michael, who (although British) is Australian Sandy's cousin.  Other Grease vets collecting paychecks are the comedy team of Arden (in her last film) and Dody Goodman, the always welcome Eddie Deezen as Eugene (still at Rydell? well, if Frenchy can be...), Sid Caesar as Coach Calhoun, and Dick Patterson as mentally broken down Mr. Spears (Mr. Rudie before).  Dennis Stewart this time is called Balmudo, but it's the same pimply rival gang-leader character.  (Leo Balmudo?)  Newbie teachers are Connie Stevens, still lovely at 43, and equally well preserved 50-year-old Tab Hunter.  I mean, not only do they look good for their ages, but they look like they did twenty years earlier.

The USC Trojan Marching Band, who were also in The Gong Show Movie, show us why, in Arden's words, it's better to play with a group than with yourself.

Other than the Stigwood stalwarts (listed under G1), the supporting cast is probably most notable for '80s television.  Travolta wannabe Adrian Zmed, 28 then, would later be best known for T.J. Hooker, although I like him on Bosom Buddies in a guest shot as Tom Hanks's old buddy turned rock star.  The Sagal twins, Jean and Liz, would get a sitcom called Double Trouble a couple years later.  (They're the younger sisters of Married with Children's Katey.)  And Tom Villard, who is the guy pretending to vomit during the "Reproduction" scene, shortly went on to the infamously bad We Got It Made sitcom, and came out as gay before dying of AIDS-related pneumonia.

Pamela Segall, then 15 but looking 12 or 13, plays Dolores, Paulette's little sister, presumably a freshman.  She would become a popular voice actress under her married name of Pamela Adlon, but I'll always remember her for this scene-stealing part and her title role in Something Special (AKA Willy/Milly).

Ken Finkleman would go on to write Madonna's Who's That Girl.  Patricia Birch not surprisingly did not go on to direct anything else.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
July 24, 1978
Universal
Musical, Fantasy
VHS
B+

This may well be the most enjoyably bad movie I own.  I'd seen it many times, although not recently, and I still found myself laughing out loud this time.  Much of it was at the rich, creamy WTFness of the plot.  I think if any one of us were given the task of writing a story inspired by the music of (mostly) the Sgt. Pepper album and Abbey Road, no one would come up with anything remotely resembling the screenplay by Henry Edwards.  At least half of us would think to set the story in England, given not only stars Peter Frampton and the Gibbs, but also the lyrics of "A Day in a Life."  But we don't have the pointlessly vivid imagination of Henry Edwards.

Here's the link to my review of Edwards's novel inspired by the film:  http://rereadingeverybookiown.blogspot.com/2012/11/sgt-peppers-lonely-hearts-club-band.html.  Yes, I gave it an F+, while this I'm ranking quite a bit higher.  There are a few reasons for that.  One, some of the flaws in writing didn't make it onscreen, like all the extraneous characters.  (There is, however, a dog that romps with Billy and Strawberry in flashbacks, although it's entirely absent from the rest of the film.)  The egregious sexism is milder.  And, yes, it really makes a difference when you can see and hear the performances.  (Also, my criteria on that blog was different, ranking quality rather than enjoyment.)

Now I suppose I may as well say right up front that I have no beef with disco, not even the process of disco-fying uber-classic rock like the Beatles.  Except for a few notes that are clunkers, and yes, that syllable elongation that the Bee Gees do, their renditions, with and without Frampton, are actually pretty good.  I think Earth Wind & Fire's "Got to Get You Into My Life" and Aerosmith's "Come Together," while different than the originals, are good matches.  Then there are the contributions from the leading ladies, the understandably obscure Sandy Farina and Dianne Steinberg, as respectively Strawberry Fields and Lucy.  They're good singers, but, as happens with a lot of the songs, no one has thought through the lyrics, so that we have Strawberry singing about going down to herself and Lucy telling us about being in the sky (well, against a billboard) with her band, the Diamonds.  The worse examples though of the lyrics having little or nothing to do with what's happening onscreen are the misapplied "She's Leaving Home," "Getting Better" (when did Billy beat "his woman" and keep her apart from the things that she loved?), and most of all "Get Back."  (Unless Billy is the "mama" in the high heels and the lowneck sweater.)

Some of the songs are just straight up badly sung.  As with Lucille Ball in Mame, George Burns (Mr. Kite) was never known for his singing, even before decades as a smoker.  (By the way, this movie earns Burns the Longevity Award, since it was made 45 years after International House.  Even Groucho didn't make movies for that long, although he came close.)  Frankie Howerd and Steve Martin are other comics not known for their music.  (And, yes, I like "King Tut," but not for the singing.)  Even Alice Cooper fails to acquit himself, but then "Because" was never meant to be used for brainwashing.  Worst of all are the "computerettes" (digitally altered versions of the Bee Gees) who ruin a song or three.

Watching the movie this time, I was struck by how much of what was associated with the various villains-- plastic surgery, punkers in a video arcade, greed, and, yes, computers-- would all be considered good in the following decade.  But Good in the sense of Heartland and "kindness," and disco and men with shoulder-length soft hair and unbuttoned soft shirts, of course must triumph in the end.  Except for poor Frampton, whose career this pretty much killed.  The acting, Burns's aside, ranges from forgettable to embarrassing to excruciating.  If Chase and Hawn were one of the all time cutest screen couples in Foul Play, Frampton and Farina deserve some sort of award as perhaps the most brain-dead couple.  When in doubt, which is often, he wears a goofy grin, while I MSTed Mr. Kite's line about the threat of Strawberry being turned into a "mindless groupie": "Well, she's halfway there."  The Bee Gees at least have moments, Maurice especially, when they seem to be in on the joke of what a travesty this movie is.  No wonder their careers survived relatively unscathed.

Of "Our Guests at Heartland" in the big finale, Keith Allison was a waiter in Sextette; Stephen Bishop would go on to write the Oscar-nominated "It Might Be You" for Tootsie; Rick Derringer's "Rock and Roll, Hoochie Koo" would pop up in The Spirit of '76; Randy Edelman would be the arranger for "Kumbaya" in Troop Beverly Hills; D.C. LaRue did a couple forgettable songs for Thank God It's Friday; Curtis Mayfield's "Mama Didn't Lie" would be one of the songs in the original Hairspray; Lee Oscar would contribute "Pass That Dutch" to Mean Girls; Frankie Valli had recently sung the theme to Grease, while Sha-Na-Na was the band at the big dance contest in that movie; Johnny Winter would contribute several songs to Roadie's soundtrack; and Gary Wright would appear on the soundtrack of Wayne's World ("Dream Weaver").  (And several of the guests ended up writing for the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 episode "Tormented.")

It's not entirely clear what Connie Stevens is doing there, to say nothing of Carol Channing, but at least they're known as singers as well as actresses.  The real question is how Barry "Dame Edna Everage" Humphries got in.

John Wheeler, who's Mr. Fields, was Judge Bregoff in Mame.  Ellen Travolta (John's sister) was a waitress in Grease, and though she's uncredited here, she's pretty recognizable in a couple scenes as some relative of the band.

Jeffrey Weissman was also in I Wanna Hold Your Hand and would be in Johnny Dangerously.  
Pat Crenshaw, looking older than his 59 years in the role of a Western Union delivery "boy," would be "Man Dying in Elevator" in The Gong Show Movie.  Stanley Coles, who's in Sgt. Pepper's band in the early scenes, would be a guard in Love at Stake.

You'd think Michael Schultz would never work again, but he directed, among many other things, Scavenger Hunt the next year.

It's sort of like the Pottersville sequence in "It's a Wonderful Life," only with extra cheese.

Palm Springs Weekend

Palm Springs Weekend
November 5, 1963
Warner Bros.
Comedy, Drama, Romance
VHS
C+

This is never as much campy fun as it could be but if you're patient you may find it worthwhile.  Mostly I watch it for the cast, particularly scene-stealing nine-year-old Billy Mumy as Boom Boom.  The more recognizable "teenagers" in the cast include Jerry Van Dyke, 36, providing most of the comic relief, such as it is, and playing the banjo; Robert Conrad, 28, as the spoiled rich villain; Troy Donahue, 27, as the hero (and singer of the title tune); Connie Stevens, 25, as an 18-year-old pretending to be 21; Stefanie Powers, 21, as Bunny, who despite the name comes across as proto-feminist in one scene where she criticizes the double standard.  (She also is, perhaps coincidentally, in a similar situation to Trudy Kockenlocker's in Miracle of Morgan's Creek, in that she works in a record shop and has a protective policeman father, although she decides not to give in to her own or Troy's "biological urges.")

The script is by Earl Hamner, Jr., later of Waltons fame, and among the un-Walton-like elements are

• A patio and swimming pool completely covered in laundry-detergent bubbles
• The policeman's wife trying to put tranquilizers in his orange juice
• Van Dyke trying to give Boom Boom a "milky Finn"
• A house-wrecking brawl
• A Nanette-Fabray-style makeover
• A gigantic Bugs Bunny doll
• A young man who hiccups when he thinks about sex
• A couple drag races 
• A weekend that lasts a whole week (Spring Break/ Easter vacation)
• A folk band in a casino

Hamner obviously isn't responsible for the most unintentionally funny aspect of the film, the repeated shots of the cyclorama of the desert by the casino, with the studio lights clearly visible in several shots!  (And it's not even like I have a big TV.  It's really obvious.)  Trying to make sense out of all this nonsense is Norman Taurog, who had been directing since the '20s (and apparently was one of the several directors of The Wizard of Oz), but in the '60s he started getting "teen movie" assignments, including a few for Elvis, so we'll be seeing his work again.

Jack Weston, who was the playwright/cabbie in Please Don't Eat the Daisies, plays the health-food fanatic basketball coach.  Sam Harris has been in several of my movies, dating back to the '30s, the most recent before this being Auntie Mame; next would be Mary Poppins.  Dorothy Abbott was in The Apartment.  Roger Bacon was in Beach Party and would appear in Pajama Party.  Red West would be in Girl Happy, Jim Shane and Louie Elias in John Goldfarb, Please Come Home!, and Jack Shea in I'll Take Sweden.  Lesley-Marie Coburn, listed at IMDB as "Beatnick [sic] Babe," would do Boy, Did I Get a Wrong Number!

"And I think that's the commissary over there."

Oh, and the trailer is a lot more fun than the movie:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWB_tDhLLwU