Earth Girls Are Easy

Earth Girls Are Easy
May 12, 1989
Vestron Pictures
Comedy, Sci-Fi, Romance, Musical
VHS
B+

This last of my movies from the '80s was actually made in '87 and released to indifference two years later, but it holds up as one of the gems of the decade.  It is funny, sweet, romantic, sexy, giddy, colorful, and yes, very '80s in the best sense.  When three furry but attractive-when-shaven aliens land in the San Fernando Valley, it's hard to say which side has more of a culture shock.  They specifically land in the pool of the house that Valerie (Geena Davis) shares with her philandering fiance Ted (Charles Rocket).  The aliens are played by Davis's then-husband Jeff Goldblum (as Mac), Jim Carrey (as Wiploc), and Damon Wayans (as Zeebo).  Note, this is even before Carrey was "the white guy" on Wayans's In Living Color.  It's so long ago that Carrey and Wayans are described as "stand-up comics" on the videobox I have!

And of course this movie "introduces" Julie Brown (despite her MTV appearances and indeed earlier movie roles).  Her song inspired this movie's title and concept, and she cowrote this movie.  There are even scenes, notably "Because I'm a Blond," that are basically just music videos.  (The soundtrack also contains a couple B-52s songs.)  But mostly Brown's contribution is as the best friend/boss you wish you had, Candy Pink.  The other cast member of note is the versatile Michael McKean as Woody the pool guy.

I said of Foul Play that I couldn't think of a cuter onscreen couple than Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn, but Goldblum and Davis come close.  They both are gorgeous here, and often underdressed, so they're certainly attractive separately, but together?  Hubba-hubba!  While Wiploc and Zeebo are mostly interested in partying, leader Mac is mostly interested in Valerie, and he's kind and sympathetic to her, even when she's confused about her fickle fiance.  The aliens have a "love touch," which in some scenes leads to questionable humor (including two ostensibly straight cops that fall for each other much less naturally than the pair in Who's That Girl), but also leads to a lovely love scene between Mac and Valerie.  You'll wonder why she's hung up on Ted so long, but it gives the plot what little conflict it has.  I almost went with an A- on this movie, because it is such fun in so many ways, but it is a bit too meandering.  But what a journey!

This is pretty obscure, but Larri Thomas is a Curl Up and Dye Dancer and was Woman in Carriage in Mary Poppins.  Another couple of CUaD Dancers, twins Karen and Sharon Owens, danced in Girls Just Want to Have Fun.  Cowriter Terrence McNally plays the Soap Opera Doctor here and was the Policeman in Nine to Five.  And there are a few TV faces, from Larry Linville to Nedra Volz to one of the Head of the Class kids.

Troop Beverly Hills

Troop Beverly Hills
March 24, 1989
Fries Entertainment
Comedy
VHS
C+

While there are things to like about this movie-- Betty Thomas's performance as the villainess, the redheaded-in-this Shelley Long's wardrobe, and the Beach Boys song "Make It Big," which plays over the opening and closing credits-- I must admit I find it a bit toothless and forgettable.  One big flaw is that while Long's character and the pack of not-Girl-Scouts are likable enough, I didn't find myself at all drawn in by their problems, because everything is so cliched and formulaic.  (Even Long's character's estrangement from Craig T. Nelson is blah.)  Mary Gross is the most conflicted character, as a nice person caught up Thomas's schemes, but her problem is also easily resolved.  The other major flaw is that there are a whole bunch of cameos and it's on a sub-Scooby-Doo level, e.g. "Look, it's Pia Zadora," and then she's given little to do, unlike in Hairspray.  (The one exception is Ted McGinley, who boasts-- boasts!-- about being Ace the photographer on The Love Boat, as if he knows that someday they'll name a "Jump the Shark" webpage after him.)

The script was written by two female Saturday Night Live writers from the first half of the '80s, so it's not unreasonable to expect a sharper satire.  Even the jokes about the Marcos-like dictator couple are pretty bland.  Not only Clueless, but this movie's peer Earth Girls Are Easy would more intelligently and more amusingly mock the Southern Californian lifestyle.

Mary Gregory, who plays the judge, was Dr. Melik in Sleeper.  Willie Garson, who plays Bruce, would be Phil's Assistant Kenny in Groundhog Day.  Betty Thomas and Shelley Long must've gotten along a lot better than their characters did, since Thomas would direct Long in the first big-screen Brady Bunch movie.

The battle for Mary Gross's soul begins!

Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death

Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death
March 15, 1989
Beyond Infinity/ Gaucamolle [sic] Pictures/ Phantom Productions
Comedy, Action
VHS
B-

This deliberately bad movie is somewhat in the tradition of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, with an even longer, more ridiculous title.  (I believe it's the longest title in my movie collection since 1968's Did You Hear the One About the Traveling Saleslady?)  Not only does it offer Adrienne Barbeau and Shannon Tweed as rival feminists, battling for the fate of the title characters, but it has men named Ford Maddox, Dean Stockwell (head of the university), and Col. Mattel.  And the main comic relief/ love interest is played by Bill Maher, yes, that Bill Maher (then 33).  And speaking of political incorrectness, much of the humor derives from mocking academia and feminism, but also their opposites.  And for a native Southern Californian like myself, there are extra chuckles, as when the heroine Dr. Margo Hunt (Tweed) and her sidekick Bunny venture into San Bernardino.  (Much of the film was shot on the UC Riverside campus.)

Still, I don't think this reaches the heights of AotKT, which had a wider range of targets, including of course pop music.  And when Maher's character gets a tribe of wimpy Donnahews [sic] drunk in order to bring out their machismo, this leads to a (not at all explicit) gang rape attempt of Bunny.  Hunt comes to the rescue immediately, but it's still one of the more offensive moments, although admittedly the cannibalism jokes are more tasteless.  (Yes, pun definitely intended.)

Watching the movie this time round, two things most struck me as being, if not dated per se, at least different from a roughly quarter-century's hindsight: that Bunny's worry that her fantasy (of being tied up with Red Vine licorice and spanked) may be non-feminist seems quaint in an era where "kinky feminism" is recognized; and that among the hats that the Donnahews wear is at least one fedora, the supposed favorite chapeau of men's rights activists.

A thrilling adventure!

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
February 17, 1989
Orion
Comedy, Sci-Fi, Historical
VHS
C+

Every time I start to watch this movie (and I've seen it a few times since the original theatrical release, when I was 21 and living in Southern California), I wonder why I never got around to watching the Bogus sequel.  There's that awesome Big Pig song "I Can't Break Away" playing over the then-cutting-edge visuals as the opening credits play.  And there's the Bill & Ted bromance.  (With a typically '80s touch of them cheerfully calling each other "fag" after they hug in relief.)  And there's George Carlin as the coolest big-screen Rufus since Groucho's Mr. Firefly.

But then there's that darn time-travel plot.  Nothing against time travel of course, but so little is done with it.  We're meant to find it automatically funny when two modern dudes travel into the past, which it sort of is.  But we're also meant to find it automatically funny when the historical figures enter modern (1988) San Dimas, CA (actually Arizona).  And it just isn't.  Part of the problem is that the writers (and of course Bill & Ted) seem to have only a superficial knowledge of who these figures are, so we get a Beethoven who can hear well enough to appreciate a synthesizer, and a Socrates who hits on girls at the mall.  And a Napoleon who loves water slides and sundaes?

At this point, the movie is most notable for truly putting Keanu Reeves on the map, and for paving the way for Wayne and Garth and so on.  Note, Stephen Herek would also direct Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, about a very different Bush-Sr.-era teen.

Hal Landon, Jr., who plays Bill's father, was Cornfield in Scavenger Hunt.  Amy Stock was the nameless Girl in Bed in Soul Man, but she had since gotten married (becoming Amy Stock-Poynton) and worked her way up to the more memorable role of Bill's sexy young stepmother.  Philip V. Caruso (who seems to be primarily a still photographer) plays Dance Photographer here and would be War Commercial Photographer in Wag the Dog.

Imagine: John Lennon

Imagine: John Lennon
October 7, 1988
Warner Bros.
Documentary, Musical
VHS
B

This biography, released close to what would've been Lennon's 48th birthday, and less than eight years after his murder, is not perfect.  It doesn't represent all of the important pieces of Lennon's life.  (There's no mention, for instance, of his dear friend Stu Sutcliffe.)  And while it's nice to get interviews with both of John's wives and both his sons, I wish that there had been contemporary interviews with his ex-bandmates.  (I mean, Ringo got along with everyone.  You'd think he at least would be here.)  That said, the movie does work as sort of a mosaic of sights and sounds of John Lennon's life.  You'll get more information from the various books on John Lennon (I reviewed a few on my reading blog), but you won't get the impact of his unique voice, by which I mean not just how he sang but what he had to say.

Beatles assistant/friend Mal Evans had small roles in A Hard Day's Night and Help!  Klaus Voormann was last seen in my movie collection as Von Schitzel in Popeye.  And Dick Cavett appeared in Annie Hall.

Hot to Trot

Believe me, there are worse comedy teams.

Hot to Trot
August 26, 1988
Warner Bros.
Comedy, Fantasy
VHS
B-

This goofy take on Mr. Ed and Francis the Talking Mule (with a stock brokerage, because it's the '80s) provided the first starring role for the sometimes irritating and sometimes endearing Bobcat Goldthwait, then 26.  The voice of the horse is provided by John Candy, who of course has some of the best lines and sounds like he might be ad-libbing some of them.  There are moments of great silly comedy, although by the time Bobcat has become the most implausible big-screen jockey since Harpo Marx, things are wearing a bit thin, and there are a few too many ethnic and other stereotypes (especially Hispanic).  If nothing else, you'll have fun with the cast, including Dabney Coleman as the villain (yeah, big surprise) and 80-year-old Burgess Meredith as Candy's equine father.  Buck Henry plays Goldthwait's father in a flashback.

Peter Hobbs, who plays the veterinarian, was Dr. Dean in Sleeper and the Doctor at St. Ambrose Hospital in 9 to 5 (yes, this is a reunion for him and Coleman).  Jocko Marcellino of Sha-Na-Na appears as Marvin.  Donald Hotton, the minister here, was Mr. Wicher in Soul Man.  Barbara Whinnery, who played Sister Sara in Hamburger, is Denise here.

James Hong who's "Boss" here, would be Frank, Sr. in Too Much Sun.  Kevin Furlong would play a jockey again in Wag the Dog.

There's also a fairly early role, as a dentist, for 33-year-old Gilbert Gottfried.  (He'd start hosting USA Up All Night on cable the next year.)  And 35-year-old Mary Gross (post-SNL) appears briefly as Ms. French.

Note, this movie has an incredible amount of profanity for a PG-rated movie.

The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking

Annika's not even whiny!  And, no, that's not a plus.

The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking
July 29, 1988
Columbia
Children's, Comedy, Musical, Fantasy
VHS
C-

Maybe it's generational bias, but I just can't get into this late '80s take compared to the badly dubbed but endearing European imports of my childhood.  The thing is, although this claims to be "new," there are a lot more adventures recycled from the Inger Nilsson series than from the books.  I'm pretty sure the cows eating Tommy and Annika's clothing only happens in Pippi on the Run, not to mention the appearance of that movie's "glue man" character, here played by Dick Van Patten.  What is new in this version includes things of dubious value: lots of songs, or rather a handful of songs repeated ad nauseam; a setting that's vaguely Florida in the Truman era; and Pippi facing setbacks that make me think Irving Thalberg came back from the dead and advised Ken Annakin.  The Pirate Movie director wrote and directed this, and we can see such PM touches as beefcake (Hello, Fridolf!), talking animals (one voiced by Frank Welker), an ice-cream salesman, and of course pirates.

The Thalbergization is seen in the way the title character (played by relatively over-the-hill but eager thirteen-year-old Tami Erin) is handled.  Yes, she still has strength, spunk, and magic powers, but she twice shows fear, something the book's Pippi (and of course Nilsson's) never did.  Worse than that, while the Pippi of twenty years ago successfully fended off the threats of robbers and a children's home, this Pippi ends up in an orphanage (run by Eileen Brennan, who can't decide if she's auditioning for Annie or playing a well-meaning overworked social worker).  There's an interwoven thread about evil real-estate developers (hey, things had changed in Florida in the 60 years since Cocoanuts) wanting Pippi's house.  Oh, and this was what really sunk the movie for me: even though Pippi has her traditional interest in art, she never brightens up Villa Villekulla when she gets out her painting supplies, and it remains drab and gray.

All that said, I don't hate this movie.  It's harmless enough, especially for kids under the age of maybe 9.

The Invisible Kid

The Invisible Kid
March 30, 1988
Elysian Pictures
Comedy, Sci-Fi
VHS
C

Although this has its share of quirkiness-- Why do they use a picture of Rene Auberjonois for the title character's father? Why does the high school have five mascot costumes?  What's up with the television advice call-in show?-- it also has a lot of predictable moments.  If you know that it's about a teenager who's pursuing the invention of invisibility, and furthermore that this is an '80s comedy, then you know his best friend is going to want to sneak into the girls' locker room.  If there's a chase scene with police cars near the end, then you know they're going to hit a fruit stand and a chicken truck.  If the principal comes across as an insensitive jerk, then you're not going to be surprised that he's a liar, thief, gambler, etc.  And if Chynna Phillips (then 20) is the girl next door, then she's going to have to be dating the star basketball player but end up with the title character.  But you might not predict that Karen Black (as cross-eyed as ever), as the title character's mom, will end up with a love interest.  The movie is mostly innocuous (except when the best friend is spying on and feeling up girls), but it's never quite funny or very entertaining.  I guess watch it if you're into this sub-genre.

Ellen Crawford, who's a teacher here, was a Tiffany saleswoman in Who's That Girl.  

Hairspray

Hairspray
February 26, 1988
New Line Cinema
Comedy, Musical, Historical
VHS
B+

This remains a lot of fun, so much fun that I've resisted seeing the musical remake, onstage or screen.  Although this may not be a musical per se, the music is an integral part of the story, and there are some wonderful oldies and oddities.  The dancing is a joy to watch, especially when Rikki Lake (as heroine Tracy Turnblad) struts her stuff.  The dialogue, particularly anything Divine says, is endlessly quotable.  The movie is well cast, nowhere more so in the stunt casting.  (Divine is married to Jerry Stiller here, while other couples include Deborah Harry & Sonny Bono and Pia Zadora & Ric Ocasek.)  I also enjoy Leslie Ann Powers as Tracy's loyal best friend Penny and Michael St. Gerard as her sexy but sensitive boyfriend Link.

John Waters, in his first PG movie, manages to send up a lot of genres at once, while at the same time paying loving tribute to his hometown of Baltimore, and making some half-serious points about society.  The pacing and energy do fall off in the last half hour.  I understand the inclusion of the governor, but this part of the story seems to have needed editing and tightening, as does much else around then.  Still, there's so much to enjoy overall that the movie is easily in my Top Five for the '80s.

Note: one of my later movie crushes, Josh Charles (then 16) makes his debut here, as Iggy.

Hollywood Uncensored

Hollywood Uncensored
1987 [exact release date unknown]
Caidin Film
Documentary
VHS
B-

No pun intended, but this documentary on Hollywood censorship is unfocused.  However, the clips and the interviews are interesting.  I think with tighter editing and writing, as well as sticking with one "host" throughout (rather than Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. and then Peter Fonda), this could've been more on a level with Celluloid Closet.  I would  still recommend it for not only its '80s perspective (Silent Night, Deadly Night is the most recent movie discussed), but also for interviews with celebrities who are no longer with us, including Jane Russell (who's quite funny as she discusses the bra she was supposed to wear for the Outlaw), as well as Hal Roach, then 95.  (He died five years later.)  I just wish that the questions had been better, but (except in the case of Baby Doll), no one seems to have wanted to dig deeper.  Fairbanks might be expected to talk about his father's films a little, but he doesn't even seem to remember much about his own 1930 sex drama we see a clip from.  HU is not a bad introduction to the Hays code and all, but I would definitely recommend watching more documentaries, and reading some books on the topic.  (This book, for instance, gives a much better sense of context:  http://rereadingeverybookiown.blogspot.com/2012/08/see-no-evil-life-inside-hollywood-censor.html)

Who's That Girl

Who's That Girl
August 7, 1987
Warner Bros.
Comedy, Romance, Action
VHS
B-

Released the same day as Back to the Beach, this was not and still is not anywhere near as well liked by the critics and public.  (Interestingly, feminist Kathi Maio gave it a mostly favorable review.)  As someone who has no strong feelings for or against Madonna (and an affection for Frankie & Annette that made me go see BttB at the time), it may seem odd that I'm giving this movie the same rating.  I wouldn't say that it's aged well-- it's even more '80s and it's chockful of stereotypes-- but there's something oddly appealing about it.

It's a screwball comedy that rips off Bringing Up Baby, which I never cared for, by the way.  (I'm in the minority in thinking that Sylvia Scarlett is the best Grant-Hepburn movie.)  WTG is also an action comedy.  And a manic-pixie-dreamgirl nightmare.  Griffin Dunne, as Louden Trott, a role not entirely dissimilar to his straight-arrow lawyer character in Johnny Dangerously, manages to be both the Goldblumian in-story commentator on the craziness around him and the won-over-in-less-than-24-hours victim/love interest for Madonna.  Who looks like Betty Boop, especially in the animated opening credit sequence that sets up the back-story.  (You know, while people are finding their seats.)

The title by the way has no question mark, so I guess it's a statement.  Madonna is who is that girl.  (Sorry, Marlo Thomas.)  But Nikki Finn isn't much like Madonna, except in creating controversy and being on the cutting edge of fashion.  You may not like Madonna or Nikki, but there's so much else going on here, weird little touches like the way the on-the-spot reporter interviews the kidnapped bridesmaids, and the Don'ts pictures for Louden's wedding night, that it won't really matter.  And I can't think of any other movie, in the '80s or beyond, that would resolve the bickering-cops subplot the way this one does.  Perhaps the fact that the script was co-written by Ken Finkleman and Andrew Smith, of respectively Grease 2 and the 1979 TV-movie Playboy's Roller Disco & Pajama Party, explains the way cliches are almost subverted, but I doubt it.

Arthur Tovey, who has an uncredited role as the butler, was then 82 and had credits dating back decades, including as Military Man in Restaurant in A Night in Casablanca.  Shari Summers was Edith Phern in Harold and Maude and plays Nurse #2 here.

Carmen Filpi, Street Bum #1 here, would have a brief but memorable role as Old Man Withers in Wayne's World, while Sean Sullivan, who's the Gun Dealer here, would be Phil there.  Co-op member Robert Weil would be Mail Room Boss in The Hudsucker Proxy.  John McMartin, who plays Simon Worthington, would be Huntingdon Hartford in Kinsey.

A 26-year-old Stanley Tucci plays the 2nd Dock Worker.

Unfairly trashed by the critics.

Back to the Beach

Back to the Beach
August 7, 1987
Paramount
Comedy, Musical
VHS
B-

I have a soft spot for this then-modern-day follow-up to the Beach Party series but I will admit that it can't sustain the wonderful pre-title sequence.  It's never boring, but some of the jokes are a bit clunky and the energy feels off much of the time.  It's certainly one of the most amiable B-s I own and I would recommend it, but let me talk about some of the issues I have with it.

Number one is that at this point, more years have passed since BttB was released than there had been in the gap between this and How to Stuff a Wild Bikini, and the '80sness has definitely not aged well.  You wouldn't think buxom young blondes could look bad, but see a number of them in the most horrendous of late '80s neon/fluorescent colors and you'll be wishing that Annette's fondness for polka dots had become a trend.  The modern and modernized-'60s music generally does not work, although Annette's revamped "Jamaican Ska" understandably enchants the entire beach.

Number two is the misguided nostalgia.  Now, I know you're saying, Wait, this is a movie starring Frankie and Annette as Frankie and Annette.  But that's kind of the problem.  Frankie was "Frankie" but he was never "The Big Kahuna."  And Annette, as any real Beach Party fan knows, was "Dee Dee" (short for "Dolores").  As welcome as Connie Stevens is (like F & A she looks great in this), she was never part of the series, so setting her up as both Annette's rival and future in-law seems wrong.  I realize this movie was marketed at the mainstream (and did quite well commercially and critically as I recall), but it would've been nice to bring in Deborah Walley, John Ashley, and some more of the gang (Mike Nader! Donna Loren!), rather than make us grateful for "Dick Dale and at least two of the Del-Tones."  (Two of Frankie's real-life sons are part of the band, a nice touch.)

Expanding on point number two, the movie has an odd assortment of mostly television cameos, and not ones from The Mickey Mouse Club.  June, Wally, and Beaver Cleaver show up (with a little Siskel & Ebert parody that I presume Gene & Roger liked, since they gave two thumbs up), and I'll admit it's good to see Gilligan and the Skipper (Bob Denver has some of the best lines in the film), and Don Adams is kinda sorta Maxwell-Smart, but what does this have to do with the original low-budget movie series?  O.J. Simpson (in a gag that probably no one under thirty will get now without Googling) and Peewee Herman have even more random cameos.

There are a whole bunch of characters who aren't given much to do (including F & A's daughter), yet we're supposed to care when some girl (I think her name was Robin) who can't swim might have to face the leader of the rival surfer gang.  It's like a lot got lost in the editing, or among the drafts of the no less than six writers.  (Does this, dare I say it, need a director's cut?)

But Frankie & Annette are themselves as delightful as ever, good-naturedly parodying themselves and having fun with the usually deliberately hokey script.  Demian Slade as their 12-year-old son has most of the great lines that Bob Denver doesn't have.  I think they should've had him continue to narrate throughout the film, because, unlike Woody Allen in Radio Days, he adds a whole other great layer to the proceedings.  Overall, I'd put this on a level with the average Beach Party movie, which is impressive considering how different it is and how much time had passed.  I wish it was more than it is, but what it is is good summer fun, even in the winter.

Note, Connie's beach date, Scott L. Treger, was a basketball player in Soul Man.

Love at Stake

Love at Stake
August 1, 1987
Hemdale Film
Comedy, Historical, Fantasy, Romance
VHS
C+

This comedy about the Puritans is indeed sometimes funny, but unfortunately many of the jokes are repeated and thus lose their efficacy.  Also, too much of the humor is sexual or otherwise crude, when there's more potential for political and other satire.  (And making fun of Nixon is doubly anachronistic, for 1692 and 1987.)  Yes, some of the R-rated jokes are funny, too, but when Dr. Joyce Brothers (yes, you read that right) analyzes the Puritans as being sexually repressed, it would have more sting if we didn't see most of them (even the parson's bitchy old mother) as lecherous at some point.  Even the parson (played by a by-then middle-aged Bud Cort) is having an affair.  And Barbara Carrera, as the scene-stealing actual witch in the midst of the falsely accused, is incredibly sensuous.  The other two notable cast members are Stuart Pankin and SCTV's Dave Thomas as the judge and mayor who are out to profit from the burnings.  (The "romance" tag is for the bland main couple who are victims of the machinations.)  The film is notable for using a "fire" song that Nice Girls Don't Explode missed: "A Hunk a Hunk of Burning Love."  I almost went with a B-, but I will admit that the marshmallow-roasting at the witch-burnings (which aren't in any case historically accurate for the Salem witch trials, where I believe hanging was the preferred execution) took the tasteless humor too far.

Stanley Coles had been part of "Young Lonely Hearts Club Band" in Sgt. Pepper and he's a guard here.

Roxanne

Roxanne
June 19, 1987
Columbia
Comedy, Romance
VHS
B-

As with All of Me (1984), I enjoyed this Steve Martin movie more at the time, although it's still a pretty good movie.  The setting (Nelson, BC passing as Nelson, WA) is lovely, a little mountain town with Victorian houses.  The romantic triangle (based on the play of course) generally works, even if there are times it's a bit implausible that someone as bright as the title character is supposed to be (played by Daryl Hannah) doesn't figure out the deception sooner.  Shelley Duvall, as Martin's "godsister" Dixie (I guess her mom was his godmother, or a similar situation), gives a good supporting performance as friend to both CD and Roxanne, with a life of her own.  The third side of the triangle gets his own happy ending with a character who has been established early on.  I can't think of anything seriously wrong with the movie, other than that a lot of the firefighter slapstick doesn't hold up.  (There is one nice sight gag out a window.)  It's a pleasant enough movie but I think ultimately forgettable.

This time, Fred Willard plays Mayor Deebs, who of course (like all Willard characters) frequently puts his foot in his mouth and doesn't notice.  Matt Lattanzi, who plays Trent, was Brad (and thus a subject of a song) in Grease 2.  We get early and small but instantly recognizable appearances by two men who'd go on to comedy success, particularly on the little screen: then 33-year-old Kevin Nealon as a drunk and then 26-year-old Damon Wayans as a fireman.

"You don't have to wear that dress tonight."

Ishtar

Ishtar
May 15, 1987
Columbia
Comedy, Action
VHS
C-

This isn't as terrible as you've heard, but that's not saying much.  It starts out fine, with Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty as two talentless musicians who dream of the big time.  (Hoffman thinks they can surpass Simon & Garfunkel, a nice little sort of reference to Hoffman's break-through movie, directed by Elaine May's former comedy partner, Mike Nichols.)  The songs, mostly cowritten by Ms. May and Paul Williams, are so bad they're good.  But then writer-director May, in the form of the guys' agent, played by Jack Weston (27 years after Please Don't Eat the Daisies) sends them to the title country, on the border of Morocco.  And I lose almost all interest in the movie.

In a way, May was trying to make an '80s answer to the Road to movies, but she set this in sort of the real world.  (Hoffman thinks Kaddafy is another country.)  And there's none of the fourth-wall-breaking we got with Bob and Bing.  Also, their Dorothy Lamour is a left-wing revolutionary who flashes her breasts when she's pretending to be a boy.  May could've done some astute political satire (this was released in the midst of Iran-Contra after all), but what we get is no sharper, or funnier, than in Warren's sister's John Goldfarb.  Also, if I can't decide whether I wish there was more of Carol Kane or I'm grateful for her sake that her character breaks up with Hoffman's and disappears from the movie, that's not a good thing.  Even the whole reversed expectations of Beatty being a loser with women doesn't really have any kind of pay-off.

My advice: watch the first twenty minutes or so and then maybe the last three.  (If you need to see Isabelle Adjani's breasts, they're fairly early on.)

Fred Melamed had small roles in both Hannah and Her Sisters and Radio Days, and here he plays Caid of Assari.  Bill Moor plays U.S. Consul here and would be Duke Vermont in Tune in Tomorrow....

Nice Girls Don't Explode

SPOILERS!

Nice Girls Don't Explode
February 1987
New World
Comedy, Romance
VHS
C+

There are times that this feels like it might be a quirky half-forgotten '80s gem, like Something Special, but it never quite overcomes its basic premise (extremely overprotective mother tricks gullible daughter into thinking that the latter is a "fire girl" whose hormones are combustible), and there's one central scene that might be a parody of racist fears (Mom has two heavyset black men tie down the boyfriend and forcibly shave one of his legs) but is nonetheless racist.  The movie is often funny-- especially anything involving the cat (played by Orange Cat #5, with Eric the Cat providing stunts)-- and Barbara Harris, then 51, can sell even a role like this.  Wallace Shawn also, well, lights up the screen as a pyromaniac named Ellen.  Michelle Meyrink and William O'Leary make a cute couple, and I like the use of music (the theme that is Bradyically used for every mood, as well as "fire" songs like "Fever").  But I can only marginally recommend this.

Radio Days

Radio Days
January 30, 1987
Orion
Comedy, Historical
VHS
C+

This is the movie that prompted Pauline Kael to say that Woody Allen had become the curator of his own childhood.  And this is not an interactive museum.  Yes, Allen kept us at a distance in Zelig, but that was a mockumentary.  There's no reason that his memories of his childhood have to be overly narrated.  After awhile, I wanted the Annie-Hall era Woody to snap, "Jesus, wouldn't it have been better to write a New Yorker essay?"  It's like Allen didn't trust his cast, including Seth Green as his sort of alter ego Joe (older than Allen would've been in the late '30s to mid '40s) and the potentially great Julie Kavner as Joe's mother, and had to keep hovering over them, presenting anecdotes, interjecting comments, and then drawing up the morals.  Yes, Alvy Singer jumped into his childhood memories, but to riff on them, and it was a free-for-all MSTing that others could join in on.

The movie is an ironic follow-up to Hannah and Her Sisters, with Dianne Weist again playing the sister who's the biggest screw-up.  (Renee Lippin as the other sister is utterly believable as being related to Kavner, and it doesn't hurt that she was Michelle on The Bob Newhart Show around the time Kavner was Brenda Morgenstern on Rhoda.)  This time Mia Farrow is cast against type as Sally, a dumb-blonde cigarette girl who rises to the top of radio.  For her, along with Tony Roberts, Jeff Daniels, Diane Keaton, and most of the other Woody-ites, this movie is only a reminder of better moments.

Not that the movie is bad.  It's just inoffensive and episodic, and even when you think there's going to be a pay-off (like that all the radio stars will end up trapped on the roof when Sally leads them up there), there isn't one, or not much of one.  I would recommend the movie for the cast and the way it sort of captures a time, but lower your expectations.  And I will note that this is the last Woody Allen movie I own; the next and last I saw was 1997's Deconstructing Harry and I found it hostile and unfunny.  This is comparatively warm, if luke-warm.

Hy Anzell, who's Mr. Waldbaum here, was Joey Nichols in Annie Hall, while Martin Rosenblatt, Mr. Needleman here, was Alvy's uncle there.  Among the unnamed radio voices, Norman Rose voiced "Death" in Love and Death, Wendell Craig was the Universal Newsreel Announcer in Zelig, and Dwight Weist was the Hearst Metronome Announcer in Zelig.  Kuno Sponholz plays a German in both Zelig and here, earlier as specifically ex-Nazi Oswald Pohl.  Also, Dimitri Vassilopoulos was Martinez in Zelig and Perfirio here (yes, even with that Greek-sounding name).

Sydney Blake, the Variety Reporter in The Purple Rose of Cairo, plays Miss Gordon here.  Of Purple Rose's penny pitchers, Peter Castellotti is Mr. Davis here and Paul Herman plays a burglar.  Michael Tucker, by this time on L.A. Law, is Joe's father Martin and had been Gil's agent in Purple Rose.  This time, Danny Aiello plays Rocco, a more sympathetic tough guy.  Ivan Kronenfeld was Lee's husband in Hannah and is On-the-Spot Newsman here, while Ira Wheeler was Dr. Abel there and the Sponsor here.  Mia's son Fletcher was a Thanksgiving Guest there and plays Andrew here.  Helen Miller was not only in the Purple Rose movie audience and played Mickey's mother in Hannah, but she's Mrs. Needleman here.

The other burglar, Mike Starr, would be Shipping Co-Worker in Who's That Girl.  Fred Melamed was Dr. Grey in Hannah, is Bradley here, and would be Caid of Assari in Ishtar.  Crystal Field was part of the movie audience in Purple Rose, is half of the Abercrombie Couple here, and would be Josephine Sanders in Tune in Tomorrow....

Having featured Mia's mom and the Marx Brothers' ex-co-star in Hannah, it seems appropriate that we here see A Night at the Opera's Kitty Carlisle, then 76.  Richard Portnow, playing Sy here, was First New York Wino in Roadie.  Wallace Shawn, who has a nice little role as the voice of the Masked Avenger, would shortly be more prominent in Nice Girls Don't Explode.

"My family liked to pose for pictures in the living room...."

Something Special

Something Special AKA Willy/Milly AKA I Was a Teenage Boy
November 14, 1986
Concorde Pictures
Comedy, Fantasy, Romance
VHS
B

Yes, this is something special, and yes, it's also something-like-a-Bizarro-Universe-ABC-after-school-special.  Like my other '86 movies, there's something both even-more-offensive-than-intended-at-the-time and kind of sweet about it, although the balance here is more towards sweet than offensive.  It obviously most resembles Soul Man, although the differences are enlightening.  In the C. Thomas Howell movie, the title character wanted something that he couldn't have, so he changed physically to get it, but ended up learning a lot about himself, and others, including the falsity of stereotypes, which yes, also somewhat resembles Tootsie, although Dustin Hoffman didn't do any more extreme body changes than a lot of plucking and shaving.

The title character here, played by Grease 2's  by-then 18-year-old Pamela Segall (who easily passes as 14), doesn't rely on non-FDA-approved drugs, but on magic from the mysterious red-haired little boy next door, Malcolm.  That's an early, although not the earliest, role for twelve-year-old Seth Green.  Among other things, he'd been in The Hotel New Hampshire and Billions for Boris, the latter as Ape-Face to Mary Tanner's Annabel, and Tanner is his big sister here, too, as Stephanie, Willy/Milly Niceman's best friend.  I'd argue that it is in fact a very Seth-Green role, as calmly quirky as anything I've seen him in as an adult.  And unlike the mysterious friend with the tanning pills who disappears once the scene changes to Boston, Malcolm hovers at the edges of this movie, like a pint-sized Prospero, master-minding the plot.

Which makes the movie even weirder than you'd expect for a PG-13 gender-bender.  Things get more explicit than they did in 1940's Turnabout, but never as explicit (or tasteless) as you might expect for an '80s teen comedy.  That's particularly an accomplishment, what with Stephanie seeming intrigued by her friend's new equipment, and Willy's new male friend's fear of being a "faggot," not to mention the airhead who likes Niceman's Scott-Baio-like charm.  (One thing that's never explained is why, in what is apparently Atlanta, GA, everyone has a generic American accent, except for our hero[ine] whose male hormones only bring out more of Segall's New-Yorkiness.)  But even when Milly shows her "willy" to her parents, perfectly played by Patty Duke and John Glover, it's not offensive.  (It happens offscreen.)

The movie might offend LGBT folks, considering how everything is resolved in a relentlessly heterosexual happy ending.  (Stephanie gets the Matthew-Perry look-alike, played by JD Cullum.)  Personally, for its time, and even now, I think it holds up well, and you have to remember that it is basically about a straight teenage girl who wants to be a boy because she thinks boys have things easier.  The acting, writing, and directing are generally solid (if sometimes cheesy).  I don't want to oversell the movie, because I kind of like that it's this obscure little comedy.  But I hope that it will win you over, just like it did me when I saw it on about 25 years ago on cable, from the uber-catchy-'80s opening song, "One Change in My Life," onward.

And, no, I haven't read the book, but I'd really like to.

Once again, don't believe the poster, or video-packaging.  For one thing, the Nicemans don't even have a dog.

Another thing that's special about this movie, is it's the 200th I've reviewed.  In the twenty years covered since Boy, Did I Get a Wrong Number!, I've added no D-s (still the lowest grade), but there's now a D and two more D+s (for three total).  The C-s have increased from 8 to 14, the C's from 10 to 18, and the C+s from 29 to 47.  The B-s have blossomed from 26 to 58, while the B's have also more than doubled, from 12 to 27, and the B+s almost tripled, from 9 to 22! There's still only one A (no A+s of course), but now 5 instead of 3 A-s.  (I realize this only comes to 197 total, but I can't figure out which are the movies I forgot to label.)

Comedy still dominates the genres of course, even with genre-benders like this, with 83.5% of the movies falling totally or partially into that category.  Groucho's 17 appearances (most recently in the Duck Soup clip of Hannah and Her Sisters) keep him at the top of the list of stars of my movies, perhaps permanently.  Paramount produced 31 of my movies, so they're still the top studio, although that may change as we move into the more modern era....

Soul Man

I

Soul Man

October 24, 1986

New World

Comedy, Romance, Sci-Fi

I

DVD

B-

This is a well-intentioned, often funny movie that doesn't deserve its bad reputation.  That said, it's also an implausible mess with plot-holes enough to fill the Albert Hall.  Let's talk about genres, because the movie manages to be both formulaic and unsatisfying.

I know, you're thinking Sci-fi?!  How is this science fiction?  It's unrealistic, but it is sort of set in a recognizable world, particularly LA and Boston.  Remember though, how does C. Thomas Howell's character Mark become "black" in order to get a scholarship?  He takes tanning pills that seemingly instantly darken his skin and curl his hair.  (The make-up job is poorly done, not just in that he's no more "black" than Prince Naveen in The Princess and the Frog, but that it's inconsistently applied, so that the tone varies from scene to scene, like the green make-up in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.).  Mark gets the tanning pills from a druggie friend of his but there's no magical transformation scene, or even a clear explanation.  I can't help thinking that an entirely different movie could've been made in the '80s about the friend, with the tanning pills being just one of his many wacky inventions.

Instead we get several other subgenres of comedy: raunchy college sex comedy (although the sex and nudity happen offscreen); a social-consciousness comedy where the writers seems as naive and as unaware of consequences as the protagonist; and of course a romantic comedy with only one kiss between the central couple, not to mention an unresolved issue or two.  (Nineteen-year-old Howell does convincingly play infatuated with 25-year-old Rae Dawn Chong, which is easy to do, since one, she's stunning, and two they fell in love during the filming, although they were married and divorced within four years.)

Luckily, the movie is also a buddy comedy, and Mark has a loyal buddy in Gordon, played by 26-year-old Arye Gross, who'd later be Ellen's TV buddy on These Friends of Mine.  Gross has great comic timing and he manages to make his character sympathetic, even if it's the equivalent of Hamburger: The Motion Picture's Fred Domino.  (That he's to my taste a heck of a lot better-looking than Howell, particularly blackface Howell, Gross resembling Julian Lennon, especially when he wears a scarf, doesn't hurt.)  I probably would've gone with a C+ on this if not for Gross

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As in Morons from Outer Space, James B. Sikking isn't onscreen much but still plays a pivotal role, here as Mark's father who cuts him off financially.  John William Young, who plays the banker, had recently been Prestopopnick in Hamburger, while Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who plays Lisa here, was in another '86 movie, Hannah and Her Sisters.The rest of the cast is eclectic to say the least, including as it does James Earl Jones, Pink Lady's Jeff Altman, and a 28-year-old Ron Reagan, Jr.  (There are a couple gentle jokes about Reagan, Sr.)  Also, Leslie Nielsen shows up in my movie collection again, 17 years after his relatively straight-man role in How to Commit Marriage, in the interval having done Airplane and Police Squad.  This part isn't that broad, but he does play a rich bigot with no redeeming features.  His biggest scene is a sort of rip-off of Annie Hall, as he and his family imagine Mark fitting various over-the-top stereotypes.  (Oh, and I have to note that he's playing the father of a girl who tells Mark that she doesn't see it as a matter of black and white but shades of gray.  Presumably 50 of them.)

Scott L. Treger, who has an uncredited role as a Harvard basketball player, would also be uncredited as Connie's beach date in Back to the Beach.  Wally Ward, who's Barky Brewer here, would have another alliterative character in The Invisible Kid, as Milton McClane.  Donald Hotton, who plays Mr. Wicher, would be Minister in Hot to Trot.  Amy Stock-Poynton, who's Girl in Bed in the opening scene, would be Bill's young stepmother in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

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It's add your own caption time again!

Hannah and Her Sisters

Hannah and Her Sisters
March 14, 1986
Orion
Comedy, Drama
VHS
B-

When I saw this at 18, I was very annoyed with the audience when they (all of whom had been adults longer than I had) laughed at the argument between the characters played by Max Von Sydow and Barbara Hershey.  I found the movie a lot more profound then than I do now.  Yes, you might think that being middle-aged I'd identify with it more, but I think it's partly that I am middle-aged that I feel so impatient with these spoiled, unhappy, upper-middle-class characters.  I want to yell at the screen that they should all be nicer to Hannah (Mia Farrow), who's basically holding the family together.  That only a few years later Woody Allen would leave Farrow for Mia's adopted daughter (and perhaps abuse the very young daughter he adopted with Mia) has also made this film less enjoyable.  It's hard to watch Elliot (Michael Caine) cheat on Hannah with her sister Lee (Hershey's character).  And the jokes about "child molestation" don't help either.

This is not to say that the movie isn't still entertaining.  It is often funny and sometimes genuinely insightful.  The acting is overall solid, with the balance of comedy and drama generally good.  Farrow, Wiest, and Hershey don't look much alike ('80s perms aside), but they're believable as sisters, and of course Farrow's mother O'Sullivan is convincing as the mom.  I do have to say that Helen Miller and Leo Postrel (who were both part of the movie audience in Purple Rose of Cairo) steal the movie with their one scene as Mickey (the Woody character)'s parents, and I'm totally on the father's side when he says who cares what happens when he's dead, "I'll be unconscious."  Julie Kavner (then best known as TV's Rhoda's sister Brenda) also is good and down-to-earth in her scenes as Mickey's coworker Gail, my favorite line being the one about the black spot on his shirt.

But too often the movie takes itself as seriously as Mickey does, and even at 18 I wanted to watch Duck Soup more after that one clip.  Also, I've always felt that the 39 Steps are superior to Bobby Short, if what we see of them here is any indication.  But, yeah, those Thanksgiving dinners look like they might've been fun, if too angsty for my taste.

This time Woody regular John Doumanian is a Thanksgiving guest.  Ivan Kronenfeld, who plays Lee's husband, would be On-the-Spot Newsman in Radio Days.  Mia's son Fletcher Farrow Previn, who's a Thanksgiving guest here, would be Andrew there.  Fred Melamed is Dr. Grey here and would be Bradley there.  And Ira Wheeler, who's Dr. Abel, would be a Sponsor.  The nicest bit of casting is probably Tony Roberts again cast as Woody's friend who goes Hollywood, this time first contributing some sperm for Hannah's twins.

Daniel Stern was a Hare Krishna in One-Trick Pony but has a more prominent role here as Dusty the rock star.  Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who had just completed a stint on Saturday Night Live, appropriately shows up as part of the staff on Mickey's SNL-like TV show; she was then 25 and would soon play a recent college graduate in Soul Man.  William Sturgis, who's Elliot's Analyst, would be Franklin Benedict in The Royal Tenenbaums.  Carrie Fisher plays Lee's best friend "who steals her boyfriend."

Save me a drumstick and don't seat me next to Ichabod Crane.