Hollywood Uncensored

Hollywood Uncensored
1987 [exact release date unknown]
Caidin Film
Documentary
VHS
B-

No pun intended, but this documentary on Hollywood censorship is unfocused.  However, the clips and the interviews are interesting.  I think with tighter editing and writing, as well as sticking with one "host" throughout (rather than Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. and then Peter Fonda), this could've been more on a level with Celluloid Closet.  I would  still recommend it for not only its '80s perspective (Silent Night, Deadly Night is the most recent movie discussed), but also for interviews with celebrities who are no longer with us, including Jane Russell (who's quite funny as she discusses the bra she was supposed to wear for the Outlaw), as well as Hal Roach, then 95.  (He died five years later.)  I just wish that the questions had been better, but (except in the case of Baby Doll), no one seems to have wanted to dig deeper.  Fairbanks might be expected to talk about his father's films a little, but he doesn't even seem to remember much about his own 1930 sex drama we see a clip from.  HU is not a bad introduction to the Hays code and all, but I would definitely recommend watching more documentaries, and reading some books on the topic.  (This book, for instance, gives a much better sense of context:  http://rereadingeverybookiown.blogspot.com/2012/08/see-no-evil-life-inside-hollywood-censor.html)

Who's That Girl

Who's That Girl
August 7, 1987
Warner Bros.
Comedy, Romance, Action
VHS
B-

Released the same day as Back to the Beach, this was not and still is not anywhere near as well liked by the critics and public.  (Interestingly, feminist Kathi Maio gave it a mostly favorable review.)  As someone who has no strong feelings for or against Madonna (and an affection for Frankie & Annette that made me go see BttB at the time), it may seem odd that I'm giving this movie the same rating.  I wouldn't say that it's aged well-- it's even more '80s and it's chockful of stereotypes-- but there's something oddly appealing about it.

It's a screwball comedy that rips off Bringing Up Baby, which I never cared for, by the way.  (I'm in the minority in thinking that Sylvia Scarlett is the best Grant-Hepburn movie.)  WTG is also an action comedy.  And a manic-pixie-dreamgirl nightmare.  Griffin Dunne, as Louden Trott, a role not entirely dissimilar to his straight-arrow lawyer character in Johnny Dangerously, manages to be both the Goldblumian in-story commentator on the craziness around him and the won-over-in-less-than-24-hours victim/love interest for Madonna.  Who looks like Betty Boop, especially in the animated opening credit sequence that sets up the back-story.  (You know, while people are finding their seats.)

The title by the way has no question mark, so I guess it's a statement.  Madonna is who is that girl.  (Sorry, Marlo Thomas.)  But Nikki Finn isn't much like Madonna, except in creating controversy and being on the cutting edge of fashion.  You may not like Madonna or Nikki, but there's so much else going on here, weird little touches like the way the on-the-spot reporter interviews the kidnapped bridesmaids, and the Don'ts pictures for Louden's wedding night, that it won't really matter.  And I can't think of any other movie, in the '80s or beyond, that would resolve the bickering-cops subplot the way this one does.  Perhaps the fact that the script was co-written by Ken Finkleman and Andrew Smith, of respectively Grease 2 and the 1979 TV-movie Playboy's Roller Disco & Pajama Party, explains the way cliches are almost subverted, but I doubt it.

Arthur Tovey, who has an uncredited role as the butler, was then 82 and had credits dating back decades, including as Military Man in Restaurant in A Night in Casablanca.  Shari Summers was Edith Phern in Harold and Maude and plays Nurse #2 here.

Carmen Filpi, Street Bum #1 here, would have a brief but memorable role as Old Man Withers in Wayne's World, while Sean Sullivan, who's the Gun Dealer here, would be Phil there.  Co-op member Robert Weil would be Mail Room Boss in The Hudsucker Proxy.  John McMartin, who plays Simon Worthington, would be Huntingdon Hartford in Kinsey.

A 26-year-old Stanley Tucci plays the 2nd Dock Worker.

Unfairly trashed by the critics.

Back to the Beach

Back to the Beach
August 7, 1987
Paramount
Comedy, Musical
VHS
B-

I have a soft spot for this then-modern-day follow-up to the Beach Party series but I will admit that it can't sustain the wonderful pre-title sequence.  It's never boring, but some of the jokes are a bit clunky and the energy feels off much of the time.  It's certainly one of the most amiable B-s I own and I would recommend it, but let me talk about some of the issues I have with it.

Number one is that at this point, more years have passed since BttB was released than there had been in the gap between this and How to Stuff a Wild Bikini, and the '80sness has definitely not aged well.  You wouldn't think buxom young blondes could look bad, but see a number of them in the most horrendous of late '80s neon/fluorescent colors and you'll be wishing that Annette's fondness for polka dots had become a trend.  The modern and modernized-'60s music generally does not work, although Annette's revamped "Jamaican Ska" understandably enchants the entire beach.

Number two is the misguided nostalgia.  Now, I know you're saying, Wait, this is a movie starring Frankie and Annette as Frankie and Annette.  But that's kind of the problem.  Frankie was "Frankie" but he was never "The Big Kahuna."  And Annette, as any real Beach Party fan knows, was "Dee Dee" (short for "Dolores").  As welcome as Connie Stevens is (like F & A she looks great in this), she was never part of the series, so setting her up as both Annette's rival and future in-law seems wrong.  I realize this movie was marketed at the mainstream (and did quite well commercially and critically as I recall), but it would've been nice to bring in Deborah Walley, John Ashley, and some more of the gang (Mike Nader! Donna Loren!), rather than make us grateful for "Dick Dale and at least two of the Del-Tones."  (Two of Frankie's real-life sons are part of the band, a nice touch.)

Expanding on point number two, the movie has an odd assortment of mostly television cameos, and not ones from The Mickey Mouse Club.  June, Wally, and Beaver Cleaver show up (with a little Siskel & Ebert parody that I presume Gene & Roger liked, since they gave two thumbs up), and I'll admit it's good to see Gilligan and the Skipper (Bob Denver has some of the best lines in the film), and Don Adams is kinda sorta Maxwell-Smart, but what does this have to do with the original low-budget movie series?  O.J. Simpson (in a gag that probably no one under thirty will get now without Googling) and Peewee Herman have even more random cameos.

There are a whole bunch of characters who aren't given much to do (including F & A's daughter), yet we're supposed to care when some girl (I think her name was Robin) who can't swim might have to face the leader of the rival surfer gang.  It's like a lot got lost in the editing, or among the drafts of the no less than six writers.  (Does this, dare I say it, need a director's cut?)

But Frankie & Annette are themselves as delightful as ever, good-naturedly parodying themselves and having fun with the usually deliberately hokey script.  Demian Slade as their 12-year-old son has most of the great lines that Bob Denver doesn't have.  I think they should've had him continue to narrate throughout the film, because, unlike Woody Allen in Radio Days, he adds a whole other great layer to the proceedings.  Overall, I'd put this on a level with the average Beach Party movie, which is impressive considering how different it is and how much time had passed.  I wish it was more than it is, but what it is is good summer fun, even in the winter.

Note, Connie's beach date, Scott L. Treger, was a basketball player in Soul Man.

Love at Stake

Love at Stake
August 1, 1987
Hemdale Film
Comedy, Historical, Fantasy, Romance
VHS
C+

This comedy about the Puritans is indeed sometimes funny, but unfortunately many of the jokes are repeated and thus lose their efficacy.  Also, too much of the humor is sexual or otherwise crude, when there's more potential for political and other satire.  (And making fun of Nixon is doubly anachronistic, for 1692 and 1987.)  Yes, some of the R-rated jokes are funny, too, but when Dr. Joyce Brothers (yes, you read that right) analyzes the Puritans as being sexually repressed, it would have more sting if we didn't see most of them (even the parson's bitchy old mother) as lecherous at some point.  Even the parson (played by a by-then middle-aged Bud Cort) is having an affair.  And Barbara Carrera, as the scene-stealing actual witch in the midst of the falsely accused, is incredibly sensuous.  The other two notable cast members are Stuart Pankin and SCTV's Dave Thomas as the judge and mayor who are out to profit from the burnings.  (The "romance" tag is for the bland main couple who are victims of the machinations.)  The film is notable for using a "fire" song that Nice Girls Don't Explode missed: "A Hunk a Hunk of Burning Love."  I almost went with a B-, but I will admit that the marshmallow-roasting at the witch-burnings (which aren't in any case historically accurate for the Salem witch trials, where I believe hanging was the preferred execution) took the tasteless humor too far.

Stanley Coles had been part of "Young Lonely Hearts Club Band" in Sgt. Pepper and he's a guard here.

Roxanne

Roxanne
June 19, 1987
Columbia
Comedy, Romance
VHS
B-

As with All of Me (1984), I enjoyed this Steve Martin movie more at the time, although it's still a pretty good movie.  The setting (Nelson, BC passing as Nelson, WA) is lovely, a little mountain town with Victorian houses.  The romantic triangle (based on the play of course) generally works, even if there are times it's a bit implausible that someone as bright as the title character is supposed to be (played by Daryl Hannah) doesn't figure out the deception sooner.  Shelley Duvall, as Martin's "godsister" Dixie (I guess her mom was his godmother, or a similar situation), gives a good supporting performance as friend to both CD and Roxanne, with a life of her own.  The third side of the triangle gets his own happy ending with a character who has been established early on.  I can't think of anything seriously wrong with the movie, other than that a lot of the firefighter slapstick doesn't hold up.  (There is one nice sight gag out a window.)  It's a pleasant enough movie but I think ultimately forgettable.

This time, Fred Willard plays Mayor Deebs, who of course (like all Willard characters) frequently puts his foot in his mouth and doesn't notice.  Matt Lattanzi, who plays Trent, was Brad (and thus a subject of a song) in Grease 2.  We get early and small but instantly recognizable appearances by two men who'd go on to comedy success, particularly on the little screen: then 33-year-old Kevin Nealon as a drunk and then 26-year-old Damon Wayans as a fireman.

"You don't have to wear that dress tonight."

Ishtar

Ishtar
May 15, 1987
Columbia
Comedy, Action
VHS
C-

This isn't as terrible as you've heard, but that's not saying much.  It starts out fine, with Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty as two talentless musicians who dream of the big time.  (Hoffman thinks they can surpass Simon & Garfunkel, a nice little sort of reference to Hoffman's break-through movie, directed by Elaine May's former comedy partner, Mike Nichols.)  The songs, mostly cowritten by Ms. May and Paul Williams, are so bad they're good.  But then writer-director May, in the form of the guys' agent, played by Jack Weston (27 years after Please Don't Eat the Daisies) sends them to the title country, on the border of Morocco.  And I lose almost all interest in the movie.

In a way, May was trying to make an '80s answer to the Road to movies, but she set this in sort of the real world.  (Hoffman thinks Kaddafy is another country.)  And there's none of the fourth-wall-breaking we got with Bob and Bing.  Also, their Dorothy Lamour is a left-wing revolutionary who flashes her breasts when she's pretending to be a boy.  May could've done some astute political satire (this was released in the midst of Iran-Contra after all), but what we get is no sharper, or funnier, than in Warren's sister's John Goldfarb.  Also, if I can't decide whether I wish there was more of Carol Kane or I'm grateful for her sake that her character breaks up with Hoffman's and disappears from the movie, that's not a good thing.  Even the whole reversed expectations of Beatty being a loser with women doesn't really have any kind of pay-off.

My advice: watch the first twenty minutes or so and then maybe the last three.  (If you need to see Isabelle Adjani's breasts, they're fairly early on.)

Fred Melamed had small roles in both Hannah and Her Sisters and Radio Days, and here he plays Caid of Assari.  Bill Moor plays U.S. Consul here and would be Duke Vermont in Tune in Tomorrow....

Nice Girls Don't Explode

SPOILERS!

Nice Girls Don't Explode
February 1987
New World
Comedy, Romance
VHS
C+

There are times that this feels like it might be a quirky half-forgotten '80s gem, like Something Special, but it never quite overcomes its basic premise (extremely overprotective mother tricks gullible daughter into thinking that the latter is a "fire girl" whose hormones are combustible), and there's one central scene that might be a parody of racist fears (Mom has two heavyset black men tie down the boyfriend and forcibly shave one of his legs) but is nonetheless racist.  The movie is often funny-- especially anything involving the cat (played by Orange Cat #5, with Eric the Cat providing stunts)-- and Barbara Harris, then 51, can sell even a role like this.  Wallace Shawn also, well, lights up the screen as a pyromaniac named Ellen.  Michelle Meyrink and William O'Leary make a cute couple, and I like the use of music (the theme that is Bradyically used for every mood, as well as "fire" songs like "Fever").  But I can only marginally recommend this.

Radio Days

Radio Days
January 30, 1987
Orion
Comedy, Historical
VHS
C+

This is the movie that prompted Pauline Kael to say that Woody Allen had become the curator of his own childhood.  And this is not an interactive museum.  Yes, Allen kept us at a distance in Zelig, but that was a mockumentary.  There's no reason that his memories of his childhood have to be overly narrated.  After awhile, I wanted the Annie-Hall era Woody to snap, "Jesus, wouldn't it have been better to write a New Yorker essay?"  It's like Allen didn't trust his cast, including Seth Green as his sort of alter ego Joe (older than Allen would've been in the late '30s to mid '40s) and the potentially great Julie Kavner as Joe's mother, and had to keep hovering over them, presenting anecdotes, interjecting comments, and then drawing up the morals.  Yes, Alvy Singer jumped into his childhood memories, but to riff on them, and it was a free-for-all MSTing that others could join in on.

The movie is an ironic follow-up to Hannah and Her Sisters, with Dianne Weist again playing the sister who's the biggest screw-up.  (Renee Lippin as the other sister is utterly believable as being related to Kavner, and it doesn't hurt that she was Michelle on The Bob Newhart Show around the time Kavner was Brenda Morgenstern on Rhoda.)  This time Mia Farrow is cast against type as Sally, a dumb-blonde cigarette girl who rises to the top of radio.  For her, along with Tony Roberts, Jeff Daniels, Diane Keaton, and most of the other Woody-ites, this movie is only a reminder of better moments.

Not that the movie is bad.  It's just inoffensive and episodic, and even when you think there's going to be a pay-off (like that all the radio stars will end up trapped on the roof when Sally leads them up there), there isn't one, or not much of one.  I would recommend the movie for the cast and the way it sort of captures a time, but lower your expectations.  And I will note that this is the last Woody Allen movie I own; the next and last I saw was 1997's Deconstructing Harry and I found it hostile and unfunny.  This is comparatively warm, if luke-warm.

Hy Anzell, who's Mr. Waldbaum here, was Joey Nichols in Annie Hall, while Martin Rosenblatt, Mr. Needleman here, was Alvy's uncle there.  Among the unnamed radio voices, Norman Rose voiced "Death" in Love and Death, Wendell Craig was the Universal Newsreel Announcer in Zelig, and Dwight Weist was the Hearst Metronome Announcer in Zelig.  Kuno Sponholz plays a German in both Zelig and here, earlier as specifically ex-Nazi Oswald Pohl.  Also, Dimitri Vassilopoulos was Martinez in Zelig and Perfirio here (yes, even with that Greek-sounding name).

Sydney Blake, the Variety Reporter in The Purple Rose of Cairo, plays Miss Gordon here.  Of Purple Rose's penny pitchers, Peter Castellotti is Mr. Davis here and Paul Herman plays a burglar.  Michael Tucker, by this time on L.A. Law, is Joe's father Martin and had been Gil's agent in Purple Rose.  This time, Danny Aiello plays Rocco, a more sympathetic tough guy.  Ivan Kronenfeld was Lee's husband in Hannah and is On-the-Spot Newsman here, while Ira Wheeler was Dr. Abel there and the Sponsor here.  Mia's son Fletcher was a Thanksgiving Guest there and plays Andrew here.  Helen Miller was not only in the Purple Rose movie audience and played Mickey's mother in Hannah, but she's Mrs. Needleman here.

The other burglar, Mike Starr, would be Shipping Co-Worker in Who's That Girl.  Fred Melamed was Dr. Grey in Hannah, is Bradley here, and would be Caid of Assari in Ishtar.  Crystal Field was part of the movie audience in Purple Rose, is half of the Abercrombie Couple here, and would be Josephine Sanders in Tune in Tomorrow....

Having featured Mia's mom and the Marx Brothers' ex-co-star in Hannah, it seems appropriate that we here see A Night at the Opera's Kitty Carlisle, then 76.  Richard Portnow, playing Sy here, was First New York Wino in Roadie.  Wallace Shawn, who has a nice little role as the voice of the Masked Avenger, would shortly be more prominent in Nice Girls Don't Explode.

"My family liked to pose for pictures in the living room...."

Something Special

Something Special AKA Willy/Milly AKA I Was a Teenage Boy
November 14, 1986
Concorde Pictures
Comedy, Fantasy, Romance
VHS
B

Yes, this is something special, and yes, it's also something-like-a-Bizarro-Universe-ABC-after-school-special.  Like my other '86 movies, there's something both even-more-offensive-than-intended-at-the-time and kind of sweet about it, although the balance here is more towards sweet than offensive.  It obviously most resembles Soul Man, although the differences are enlightening.  In the C. Thomas Howell movie, the title character wanted something that he couldn't have, so he changed physically to get it, but ended up learning a lot about himself, and others, including the falsity of stereotypes, which yes, also somewhat resembles Tootsie, although Dustin Hoffman didn't do any more extreme body changes than a lot of plucking and shaving.

The title character here, played by Grease 2's  by-then 18-year-old Pamela Segall (who easily passes as 14), doesn't rely on non-FDA-approved drugs, but on magic from the mysterious red-haired little boy next door, Malcolm.  That's an early, although not the earliest, role for twelve-year-old Seth Green.  Among other things, he'd been in The Hotel New Hampshire and Billions for Boris, the latter as Ape-Face to Mary Tanner's Annabel, and Tanner is his big sister here, too, as Stephanie, Willy/Milly Niceman's best friend.  I'd argue that it is in fact a very Seth-Green role, as calmly quirky as anything I've seen him in as an adult.  And unlike the mysterious friend with the tanning pills who disappears once the scene changes to Boston, Malcolm hovers at the edges of this movie, like a pint-sized Prospero, master-minding the plot.

Which makes the movie even weirder than you'd expect for a PG-13 gender-bender.  Things get more explicit than they did in 1940's Turnabout, but never as explicit (or tasteless) as you might expect for an '80s teen comedy.  That's particularly an accomplishment, what with Stephanie seeming intrigued by her friend's new equipment, and Willy's new male friend's fear of being a "faggot," not to mention the airhead who likes Niceman's Scott-Baio-like charm.  (One thing that's never explained is why, in what is apparently Atlanta, GA, everyone has a generic American accent, except for our hero[ine] whose male hormones only bring out more of Segall's New-Yorkiness.)  But even when Milly shows her "willy" to her parents, perfectly played by Patty Duke and John Glover, it's not offensive.  (It happens offscreen.)

The movie might offend LGBT folks, considering how everything is resolved in a relentlessly heterosexual happy ending.  (Stephanie gets the Matthew-Perry look-alike, played by JD Cullum.)  Personally, for its time, and even now, I think it holds up well, and you have to remember that it is basically about a straight teenage girl who wants to be a boy because she thinks boys have things easier.  The acting, writing, and directing are generally solid (if sometimes cheesy).  I don't want to oversell the movie, because I kind of like that it's this obscure little comedy.  But I hope that it will win you over, just like it did me when I saw it on about 25 years ago on cable, from the uber-catchy-'80s opening song, "One Change in My Life," onward.

And, no, I haven't read the book, but I'd really like to.

Once again, don't believe the poster, or video-packaging.  For one thing, the Nicemans don't even have a dog.

Another thing that's special about this movie, is it's the 200th I've reviewed.  In the twenty years covered since Boy, Did I Get a Wrong Number!, I've added no D-s (still the lowest grade), but there's now a D and two more D+s (for three total).  The C-s have increased from 8 to 14, the C's from 10 to 18, and the C+s from 29 to 47.  The B-s have blossomed from 26 to 58, while the B's have also more than doubled, from 12 to 27, and the B+s almost tripled, from 9 to 22! There's still only one A (no A+s of course), but now 5 instead of 3 A-s.  (I realize this only comes to 197 total, but I can't figure out which are the movies I forgot to label.)

Comedy still dominates the genres of course, even with genre-benders like this, with 83.5% of the movies falling totally or partially into that category.  Groucho's 17 appearances (most recently in the Duck Soup clip of Hannah and Her Sisters) keep him at the top of the list of stars of my movies, perhaps permanently.  Paramount produced 31 of my movies, so they're still the top studio, although that may change as we move into the more modern era....

Soul Man

I

Soul Man

October 24, 1986

New World

Comedy, Romance, Sci-Fi

I

DVD

B-

This is a well-intentioned, often funny movie that doesn't deserve its bad reputation.  That said, it's also an implausible mess with plot-holes enough to fill the Albert Hall.  Let's talk about genres, because the movie manages to be both formulaic and unsatisfying.

I know, you're thinking Sci-fi?!  How is this science fiction?  It's unrealistic, but it is sort of set in a recognizable world, particularly LA and Boston.  Remember though, how does C. Thomas Howell's character Mark become "black" in order to get a scholarship?  He takes tanning pills that seemingly instantly darken his skin and curl his hair.  (The make-up job is poorly done, not just in that he's no more "black" than Prince Naveen in The Princess and the Frog, but that it's inconsistently applied, so that the tone varies from scene to scene, like the green make-up in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.).  Mark gets the tanning pills from a druggie friend of his but there's no magical transformation scene, or even a clear explanation.  I can't help thinking that an entirely different movie could've been made in the '80s about the friend, with the tanning pills being just one of his many wacky inventions.

Instead we get several other subgenres of comedy: raunchy college sex comedy (although the sex and nudity happen offscreen); a social-consciousness comedy where the writers seems as naive and as unaware of consequences as the protagonist; and of course a romantic comedy with only one kiss between the central couple, not to mention an unresolved issue or two.  (Nineteen-year-old Howell does convincingly play infatuated with 25-year-old Rae Dawn Chong, which is easy to do, since one, she's stunning, and two they fell in love during the filming, although they were married and divorced within four years.)

Luckily, the movie is also a buddy comedy, and Mark has a loyal buddy in Gordon, played by 26-year-old Arye Gross, who'd later be Ellen's TV buddy on These Friends of Mine.  Gross has great comic timing and he manages to make his character sympathetic, even if it's the equivalent of Hamburger: The Motion Picture's Fred Domino.  (That he's to my taste a heck of a lot better-looking than Howell, particularly blackface Howell, Gross resembling Julian Lennon, especially when he wears a scarf, doesn't hurt.)  I probably would've gone with a C+ on this if not for Gross

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As in Morons from Outer Space, James B. Sikking isn't onscreen much but still plays a pivotal role, here as Mark's father who cuts him off financially.  John William Young, who plays the banker, had recently been Prestopopnick in Hamburger, while Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who plays Lisa here, was in another '86 movie, Hannah and Her Sisters.The rest of the cast is eclectic to say the least, including as it does James Earl Jones, Pink Lady's Jeff Altman, and a 28-year-old Ron Reagan, Jr.  (There are a couple gentle jokes about Reagan, Sr.)  Also, Leslie Nielsen shows up in my movie collection again, 17 years after his relatively straight-man role in How to Commit Marriage, in the interval having done Airplane and Police Squad.  This part isn't that broad, but he does play a rich bigot with no redeeming features.  His biggest scene is a sort of rip-off of Annie Hall, as he and his family imagine Mark fitting various over-the-top stereotypes.  (Oh, and I have to note that he's playing the father of a girl who tells Mark that she doesn't see it as a matter of black and white but shades of gray.  Presumably 50 of them.)

Scott L. Treger, who has an uncredited role as a Harvard basketball player, would also be uncredited as Connie's beach date in Back to the Beach.  Wally Ward, who's Barky Brewer here, would have another alliterative character in The Invisible Kid, as Milton McClane.  Donald Hotton, who plays Mr. Wicher, would be Minister in Hot to Trot.  Amy Stock-Poynton, who's Girl in Bed in the opening scene, would be Bill's young stepmother in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

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