Transylvania 6-5000

Transylvania 6-5000
Nov. 8, 1985
New World
Comedy, Horror
DVD
C-

Rudy De Luca is the main party responsible for this near monstrosity.  It's one of his few directing credits (the infamous Pink Lady...And Jeff  TV variety show is another), but he also penned Caveman and Million Dollar Mystery.  (He also plays Lawrence Malbot, the Wolfman's father I think.)  So sometimes the dumb humor works, but mostly it doesn't.  The movie doesn't work as Horror either, or Horror-Comedy, particularly with most of the scenes set in daylight.  So why did I get it on DVD?  (With De Luca's commentary no less!)  Well, it was cheap and I had blocked out things like the jokes that are as unfunny the tenth time as they are the first.

Here's what you can do to amuse yourself if you do end up watching this movie:

1. Count the performers who are over 6 feet tall:  Jeff Goldblum (6' 4 1/2"), Jeffrey Jones (6' 4 1/2"), Ed Begley, Jr. (6' 4"), Donald Gibb (6' 4", the Wolfman here and Mad Dog in Meatballs Part II), Michael Richards (6' 3"), Joseph Bologna (6' 1"), and Geena Davis (6').
2. Ogle Goldblum and/or Davis, both of whom show off their chests.  (They met on the set, so something good came out of this.)
3. Savor the irony of Norman Fell's (not over 6') celebration of "crap."
4. Enjoy every single rendition of the title song, from the rockin' version over the opening credits to the castle phone's ring tone to the folk tune towards the end to the closing not-exactly-Glenn-Miller big band take.
5. Wonder if Carol Kane (5' 2") is more embarrassed by her role as half of a hunchback couple with John Byner, or by her briefer role in the bigger bomb Ishtar.

Caveman

Caveman
April 17, 1981
United Artists
Comedy, Historical
VHS
B-

This silly comedy starring 40-year-old Ringo Starr as the title character has troubling sexual politics, so I want to address that before talking about what I like about the movie.  I know, it's about cavepeople and it parodies that prehistoric genre.  But the men are a diverse bunch that includes a midget, a gay couple, an old blind man (Jack Gilford), a black man, and an "Asian" man who speaks English and has a pet iguana.  There are only two women with memorable roles: busty brunette 33-year-old Barbara Bach as Lana the sexpot and leggy blonde 31-year-old Shelley Long as "nice girl" Tala.  The latter is willing to zug-zug and she's sneaky and vengeful, so she's not entirely "nice," but this is basically Veronica & Betty One Zillion B.C.  Starr as Atouk ultimately chooses Tala, but in real life he married Bach ten days after this movie was released, and they're still together.

As for our "nice guy" hero, he drugs Lana and her mate, macho Tonda, in order to literally sleep with her, and then later, with the help of his best pal (or bobo) Lar, played by 27-year-old Dennis Quaid, attempts to kidnap Lana!  Yes, Tonda and his tribe later kidnap all the women of the misfit tribe Atouk leads, but I think there should've been a greater moral distinction than this.  In fact, Atouk and his bobos invent weapons in order to conquer the physically stronger tribe.  And this is never addressed, even comedically.  In contrast, the two men who hold hands are accepted by Atouk and Lar with smiles, so it's not like the movie wasn't smart enough to put a spin on the treatment of women and violence in such movies.

That's the thing.  Although this movie has been described as brainless, and it's certainly a lot less intellectual than its contemporary Quest for Fire, it's clear some thought went into it, as seen in the way it's set specifically on October 9th (Starr's tribute to his recently slain former bandmate, as this was John Lennon's birthday).  Every dinosaur (or macha) is individualized (yes, more than the cavewomen), looking just real enough in stop-action animation but with touches like googly-eyes or a tendency to howl at the moon.  The primitive made-up language is simple and clear but flexible enough to cover every situation.  The Mexican scenery is stark but inviting.  And the trope of the caveperson or group inventing everything (played straight in the Clan of the Cave Bear, the book of which was released the previous year) is done well, especially the inventions of fried eggs and music.  The movie is sometimes funny and it's certainly watching once or twice (or more) but don't expect anything spectacular.

This time Avery Schreiber is Ock. Paco Morayta, who's Flok here, would shortly be Ramirez in Zorro: The Gay Blade.  Cowriter Rudy De Luca would also cowrite the equally silly Million Dollar Mystery.